Acting On Instinct
by Hikishi
Summary: When Duo decides to be the bigger man and step aside for his friends' happiness, he neglects to realise that for every action, there is an equal reaction, and it's usually instinctual. Shounen Ai, 1x5 initial pairing, 3x4 throughout. Rated T first chapter
1. Chapter 1

Acting On Instinct By Hikishi 

Disclaimer: I don,t own Gundam Wing, but I,m sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

**CHAPTER ONE**

I watched with an aching sadness as Wufei kissed Heero goodbye. We'd been drafted for a mission by Une, a possibly dangerous operation, and would be gone for a week. Heero had been signed off by Sally four days ago whilst he recovered from a bad concussion, meaning that Wu and I would be partnered together.

We usually worked in separate teams, but apparently we were both needed for this particular assignment.

"Come back safe." Heero said, with some tenderness in his tone, and my heart gave a painful pang.

What was it like to be together like that? I loved them both, but they loved each other. I knew the hardships both of my best friends had been through and was not going to jeopardise their relationship by admitting that I had a crush on them both. They deserved this happiness at least.

"You know I can't promise that." Wufei replied seriously, pulling his lover into a fierce hug.

I hated to intrude on their moment, I really did, but we had to get going.

"Don't worry Hee-chan," I said to him sombrely, but with a reassuring smile. "I'll make sure that he comes home to you." I picked up my bag. "Wu, we gotta go."

He sighed, and kissed Heero once more, before grabbing his bag and following me to our unmarked car, one specifically designated for this mission.

Three hours later we'd arrived at the hotel that would serve as our base for the duration of the mission. It was a run down place with shouting couples and winos. I for one was thankful. I'd been in a lot worse places than this one, and it was heaven compared to mine and Solo's den back on L2. Wufei however, was not accustomed to this sort of thing and did not look impressed in the least. I heaved my bag onto the bed nearest the window and began to unpack, watching covertly as 'Fei did the same, pausing to gaze tenderly at his favourite snap of Heero before putting it on the bedside table.

We worked systematically, setting up the surveillance system together. We were ready to begin within the hour.

"Right, I'm goin' for a shower, you can have one once I'm done." I announced, grabbing some clean clothes and heading for the bathroom. "Call for takeout willya?"

Wufei grumbled, but when I emerged from the bathroom, there was pizza sat on the coffee table along with a bottle of water and two cans of soda. Wu said nothing and claimed the bathroom, cursing when the water ran too hot.

In all honesty, I hadn't complained about the heat, happy to see running water. Yes, we all lived near to each other, them in a small house near headquarters, me in an apartment a few blocks away. Yes, I had running water, hot and cold. And yes, I had lots of extra things. But no, I wasn't going to forget my roots. Water was precious, and even with all of my hair, I was the quickest one of all five of us in the bathroom.

I sat on the bed, brushing my hair and had to stare at Wufei's lean, sleek body as he re-entered the room in a towel. They were both so perfect. I felt my heart breaking a little, wishing I had them, that they loved me. I wanted to tell them, but no way was I going to cause trouble for their relationship. I suppose though that if I'd known what way this mission was going to go, I would've made that leap.

End Chapter One


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note:  
I'm, sorry, a little late introduction is needed. I'm Hikishi, And welcome to my world. If anyone happens to recognise the writing style, well, that's because I've been here before. I'm a veteran on but haven't posted in oh, say, bordering seven years. 

Rather than blather on about anything though, allow me to simply say that this fic is a tribute to Krackensan, Sunhawk, Cjmarie, Plaid Dragon, Dyna Dee, MadamHydra and Lev. At risk of sounding kiss ass, you have all helped me get through each day. I hope this will make me post more of my work in future. So here it is.

Acting On Instinct By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

CHAPTER TWO

So the surveillance thing was a piece of cake. We did that for a couple of days checking out the suspects. Wu managed to acquire the buildings blueprints and I did some recon around the site.

By the third day we were ready to go. Between us we'd acquired enough info to blow this case wide open. Une wanted us to infiltrate, take the top suspect and hand him over. We decided to split up to accomplish this last phase.

It was going pretty well, until Wu had to take out a guy who'd seen him, the head honcho got away from him, but was apprehended outside the building by our backup force. The lackeys were out to get us, trying to stop us from getting out alive. 'Fei and I ran into each other at some point and stuck together to get out. Parts of the building were getting blown to bits around us and it was a race against time to get out.

As we reached the last stretch we met another patch of resistance. I suddenly remembered my words to Heero. We ploughed through them, and before I could even stop myself I pulled Wufei in for a rough kiss.

"I love you! Tell Heero that I love him too!" I yelled over the explosions and gunfire.

"Maxwell!" He cried out as I pushed him toward the exit.

"I said I'd get you back in one piece. Now go, I'll watch your six!" he hesitated for a moment, and I shoved him again. "Go! I'm right behind you!"

He got moving, and I covered us both as we retreated. Just as I saw the door up ahead, something above us blew. I saw the ceiling coming down and dove at my partner. That's the last thing I remembered.

I had some crazy dreams whilst I waited in that darkness. Wufei, calling my name, over and over. Sally, shouting for "paddles" and "clear!" Wufei, leaning over me. Heero, standing over me, looking grim and serious. Quatre, with a dripping cloth in his hand, murmuring all sorts of nonsense. Sally saying that it would be touch and go. Wufei, and Heero, holding each other and talking softly. Trowa, reading aloud.

I don't know how long it took me, but I finally woke up. I heard both of my partners speaking with Quatre as I began to surface.

"What did Sally say?" The blonde was asking.

"That she didn't know if he'd pull through."

"He will guys." Quat said resolutely. "I know he will. And when he comes out of that coma-"

"If he comes out of the coma." Heero corrected quietly.

"There's still too much swelling to tell if he'll wake up." Wufei added despondently. "He might be a vegetable."

I knew they were talking about me, and I was annoyed. Did they just expect me to roll over and die? Well screw them! I was waking up. As soon as I could get my eyes open. I didn't manage it, but some sort of pained, frustrated noise must have escaped my throat because all three of them flew to my bedside.

"Duo?" Heero's voice questioned anxiously. I managed to force my eyes open, but all I could see was blurry shapes. "Duo, can you hear me?"

I gave low moan as acknowledgement and closed my eyes. As I twitched my left arm I felt a tug.

"It's your IV line. Leave it alone." Wufei said gently, and I heard footsteps walking across the room.

I tried to open my eyes again and move, but a warm hand covering my own stopped it. "Go back to sleep." He told me, and before I could think of a witty reply, I'd gone back under again.

End Chapter Two


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note:  
Welcome to chapter three. As promised, I would like to thank Dragon77 profusely for that first review, and dedicate this chapter to this kind reviewer. Hope it lives up to your expectations. 

Acting On Instinct By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

**CHAPTER THREE**

I began to awaken more frequently in that same dazed state every now and then. I wouldn't last more than ten minutes though, and I still couldn't see clearly. It took me a while to realise that the painkillers were the cause of my lethargy. I couldn't feel much of anything, and couldn't really keep track of time either.

Several times Sally came in and said something about reducing the dosage, but it took a long time for me to get used to the floating feeling. Then there came one day when I opened my eyes and I could make out a pitcher of water by my bed. I blinked, and it became clearer. Suddenly, the figure in the chair beyond it leaned in close to me and I was relieved to see Heero's familiar features coalesce.

" 'Ro..?" I tried to say his name but I found it difficult to even open my mouth.

"Duo."

" 'M dream...?"

Even though the sentence was half garbled, he still knew exactly what I was trying to say.

"No, Duo it's not a dream." He said softly, taking my right hand. Now, at this point, I couldn't remember anything of what had happened. My last recollection had been arguing with Heero about his concussion.

"...'Fei?"

"He's gone to get his dressing changed." I sighed in understanding, and squeezed his hand. "Are you tired?"

I tried to shake my head but that triggered a sharp pain in my head. Heero steadied me gently, gazing at me in concern. "Try not to move. You've been badly injured."

"...where...?" I had to mouth that one, my voice had momentarily deserted me.

"You have cracked ribs, a broken foot, sprained wrist and a bad concussion. Your shoulder was dislocated but its fine now and Sally repaired your punctured lung."

So that's why breathing hurt. As he'd spoke, Heero had poured some water into a plastic beaker and stuck a straw in it. He held it to my lips and watched as I drank, waiting for me to signal him to stop. Once done, he spoke again, in that strangely quiet, hesitant voice.

"We nearly lost you." He turned as the door creaked open. "He's awake."

Footsteps quickly approached my bedside and I found Wufei looking at me with a happy smile.

"So you are!" he exclaimed in a low voice. My eyes tracked to the bandage on his left hand and he lifted it up carefully. "It's just a bad slice." He perched carefully on the side of the bed. "How long have you been awake for?"

"Fifteen minutes." Heero replied for me. "He's even had a drink."

"Time?" I asked and Wufei gave Heero a surprised look.

"He's speaking?!"

"A little." The dark haired Preventer turned his attention back to me. "It's quarter to four, Tuesday the twenty ninth of March." I stared at him in shock. I was missing a month of my life? "You've been in a coma for three weeks and one day." That hit me like a slap in the face. I tried to get up, but strong hands forced me to stay still.

"Don't do that." Wufei said seriously, with that concerned look I'd seen on his boyfriend's face moments ago. "You were really hurt." They were starting to freak me out, the way they were acting.

"...'M okay..." I said through gritted teeth as something inside of me twinged warningly.

"Stop being a baka and lay still!" Heero commanded sounding normal for the first time. My brain could process that short sharp bark of an order and I immediately stopped struggling.

"What..." I wrestled with my throat and managed to get a nearly whole sentence out. "...happened...me?"

"Don't you remember?"

I shook my head minutely, careful not to give myself another splitting headache and saw two sets of shoulders slump.

"You, me." I indicated to Heero and myself with a slight movement of my uninjured hand. "-fight." Both looked puzzled for a moment, until it dawned on Wufei.

"He's talking about your concussion."

"Oh."

"You and I were drafted for a mission. We infiltrated a warehouse and when we'd got caught inside, they blew it up. A wall fell on you. You were trapped underneath it for hours."

"...hurt?" I asked Wufei, and he lowered his head, wouldn't look at me. Heero answered instead.

"No. though the baka did shred his hands to pieces trying to dig you out."

"You pushed me out of harm's way!" Fei said, somewhat angrily. "You didn't even try to save yourself! You just let yourself get hurt. You could have died!"

I didn't see the tears as he got up and fled for the door.

"-'Fei!" Heero called after him, but he was already gone. He turned back to me, trying to keep a brave front, but I could see that he was also upset by his boyfriend's reaction. In that split second I made a decision.

"Go." Heero looked at me quizzically and I gestured for the door. "Go...go with..." I stifled a cough. "...go."

"Duo- I can't leave you. I'm supposed to be watching you."

"Go." I repeated insistently. "...fine."

I ignored the sense of loss I felt as the ex Wing pilot rose slowly to his feet. Whatever they were going through, they had to fix it. I wasn't going to be the cause of a break-up.

"I won't be long." He said as he strode towards the door. "I'll get someone to sit with you while I'm gone."

End Chapter Three


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: 

Welcome to chapter four. I would like to thank my reviewers for their kind words and hope that this chapter is as pleasing as the last.

Sara: I'm replying to you here because you did not sign in and the review stood out against the rest, but, thank you profusely for the review, and in answer to the first question on your review, it is the latter. I hope the next chapter pleases you.

Peekibo: Your review also stood out, hope you like the next chapter.

Also a quick thank you to Yilun, InzanityRulz, Leikaru, Solitaire, and Aya Chan. By no means have you been forgotten, but unfortunately I can't make this long enough to fit you all. Please know your observations are noted and I am grateful.

Dragon77: You seemed to have kicked off a bit of a cheering section for me here! Thank you again for taking your time to read this story!

Acting On Instinct By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

CHAPTER FOUR

The door swung shut behind him and I was left alone for ten minutes. I passed the time by checking myself out. I was hooked up to a colostomy bag (gross!), and I could see blotchy bruises on my arm and fingers. That put me off exploring my situation any further and I rolled my head to gaze out of the window. Presently the door reopened and I turned back to see Trowa step inside. He sauntered over to Heero's recently vacated chair and stretched out in it.

"...Tro?"

"Hi Duo." He replied easily, looking me over calmly. "Welcome back."

"Quatre...?"

"Is sleeping down the hall." He finished for me. "You were worrying him too much."

This is the thing I love about Trowa. He says exactly what he means to, when he means to, no more, no less. I can always count on him to be frank. "I'll let him come visit you later if you're awake."

"You?"

"Okay. Glad to see you on the mend."

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while, neither of us moving. I began to feel relaxed, and tuned out for a little bit. I came back to myself some hours later and realised that I'd fallen asleep. The window told me that it was getting into late evening. Trowa was still sat there, with a book in his hand, reading aloud. A flash of deja vu came to me and I knew he'd done this a few times while I'd been unconscious. He noticed I was alert but didn't stop reading until I spoke.

"...Still here?"

"I told them that I would stay here and made them go get something to eat." His eyes never left the page as he replied.

"Quat up?"

"Yes, but you don't have enough energy to deal with him now."

He reached for his bookmark as a nurse entered with a basin and a plastic sheet. "You know how he gets when he's excited. Wait until tomorrow. Thank you." He said to the nurse as she set the basin on a rolling table.

"Do you need help, Mr Barton?2 she asked politely, glancing at me.

"We'll be fine thanks." She left and Trowa set his book down and rose to his feet gracefully. I looked at him in horror, the understanding coming to me of what he was about to do. He gazed back steadily.

2No." I said shortly. He ignored me and began to raise the head of the bed carefully.

"Yes." He said resolutely. "You need a wash. You can't do it yourself. Either I do it or a nurse does it." He pulled the sheet back and picked up the plastic liner. "If I do it now, then Chang and Yuy won't have to do it later, which means that they can get a full night's sleep for a change."

"They...?" Trowa knew exactly what I was trying to say

"Every day Duo."

Of course I gave in then, and he lifted me carefully just enough to slide the sheet under, before setting me down atop it easily. Either he'd built some muscle over the last month or I'd lost weight. Option number two was looking far more likely. He was very gentle as he wiped the dirt from my pale skin, taking off the more minor wrappings to clean the cut underneath before applying a fresh bandage.

Someone had let me keep the dregs of my dignity and dressed me in a pair of loose shorts. Trowa reinforced my silent request of keeping it intact by giving me the washcloth and keeping his hand under my elbow as I slowly slid my own inside them and wiped my nether regions gently.

I let him do my backside though, simply because it would cause me no end of pain if I tried twisting to accomplish that. Finally we were done and he wrapped me loosely in a fresh sheet before calling the nurse to help him change the bedclothes and remove the basin.

Although I was exhausted by the venture, I felt fresh and clean. Trowa took up his original post on the chair and picked up his book again.

"...thanks." I breathed.

"Welcome." He began to read to me again and I watched him quietly.

I was sleepy by the time Heero and Wufei returned. As the door opened my eyes shifted and I gave them both a tired smile as they came over to check on me.

"Still awake?"

"Not for long." Trowa said with a quick glance in my direction. "He's been up for a while, and had his bath." Heero frowned.

"Barton, I told you we'd do that once we got back."

"Well it's done now, so you two can go get some sleep." He dismissed easily.

"I'm keeping Duo company tonight." He turned to me. "You're okay with that Duo?"

I nodded sleepily, wanting them to get some rest. As bad as I was, I could see the circles under their eyes and the haggard looking faces.

"If you're sure..." Wufei said uncertainly. I shooed them off with my hand.

Trowa chuckled and went back to his book as they left quietly. Not long after that I fell asleep.

End Chapter Four


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note:

Welcome to chapter five. As promised, I have dedicated this chapter to I Lyk Pie I Lyk Chocolate. Thank you for your review.

Yilun: This is where everything really starts to kick off, so keep on reading.

Dragon77: My official head cheerleader, and the cheerleading section, Pikeebo, InzanityRulz, Leikaru, Aya Chan, Sar, and Solitaire

Cjmarie: hoping this chapter is also up to par.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

I opened my eyes the next morning and was greeted by Quatre's smiling face. I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing in here but before I could make any noise he lifted his finger to his lips to shush me and pointed to the chair where his fiancé, covered with a blanket, was sound asleep. I grinned at him and he squeezed my hand gently before letting go and sitting on the bed.

We gazed at each other for a short while, then he broke it and produced a pack of cards with a flourish. He moved my IV stand and helped me arrange my cards to hold in that hand so I could use the relatively uninjured one to pick and play.

We had a silly game of chase the ace, which doesn't really work with just two people, and then he reshuffled the cards and we launched into a round of black jack. Quatre sucks at that game, but he still had the upper hand. He let me win a couple of times though.

We played for an hour and a half, and were just starting a game of fish when Sally came in. neither of us noticed her until she had reached my bedside.

"Quatre, it's eight in the morning, _what_ are doing here?"

"Shh! You'll wake Tro-too late." His face fell as Trowa's eyes opened.

"He came….visit me." I said weakly.

My voice sounded rusty and I reached for my beaker with a shaky hand. Trowa knew immediately what I was after and helped me hold it as I took small sips.

Quatre cleared the cards off the bed as Sally stepped in to take a look at me.

"Welcome back to the land of the living Agent Maxwell." She said briskly as she raised the head of the bed. She did it slowly, to stop me from feeling too dizzy at the change. I still gasped silently though, as things adjusted inside of me. "How are you this morning?"

"…okay. Feel light."

"That's good. It means the painkillers are still working."

"What-" I gasped again as she slid a cold hand between my chest and the bandages there, checking their tension. "Drugs? What ones?"

"Morphine, Maxwell, morphine." She replied absently as she checked my pulse and pulled off a gauze pad on my temple to look at what I assumed to be the source of my concussion, before moving to the foot of the gurney to inspect my left foot.

"You would be in considerable pain otherwise." She met my gaze squarely. "You're lucky to be alive."

I did some breathing exercises for her and submitted to having my chest wraps changed. Some friendly advice. Try, not to break your ribs. If you don't have them tightly wrapped then it feels like your insides are going to fall out. Not. Nice.

"How's your memory?" Sally asked as she examined my IV.

"Not good." I said slowly, trying to speak normally, and succeeding for once.

"Don't know how I got here."

"It's okay." Quatre piped up gently. "It'll come back to you soon." Doctor Po straightened and updated her clipboard.

"Well, you're doing okay now. Though you're definitely not leaving for at least another week. Your lung hasn't fully healed, and I need to make sure that you can ingest soft foods before I can release you."

"Can we…try now?" I gave her a hopeful look and she sighed.

"I don't see why not. But any problems, even if it's just a stomach ache, someone call me right away."

I caught the seriousness in her voice and instantly began to worry.

"What's…wrong?" I asked. When she didn't answer straight away I repeated myself, feeling hysteria rising in my chest. "Sally, what's wrong?"

"You had internal bleeding. We managed to stop it, but you need to be very, very careful. Do you understand?"

"Yes but-"

"Heero and Wufei don't know." Trowa said suddenly, diverting my attention to him. "There was a high chance that you wouldn't pull through the surgery. When you did, we didn't want them worrying themselves sick. Wufei feels guilty as hell for not watching you as closely as he thought he should have on the mission."

It was finally dawning on me, just how close I came to dying. Trowa had been making decisions behind their back so Wu wouldn't feel the blame so much for my stupidity. If I was going to pull this off, then I needed to be extra cautious.

"Don't let them…find out okay?" I found myself saying. "It would kill 'Fei."

Trowa and Quatre simply nodded. Sally however, began to frown.

"I don't think it's in your best interest to keep it from them for long."

"Sally…" I had made up my mind. Now that I was awake, I would be making my own decisions. "Do this, for me. They can't…_ever_ find out." I fixed her with a pleading stare. "Promise me."

She struggled with herself, but I'd already managed to persuade her.

"I promise."

She left not long after and I had the other two fill me in on what had been happening with them over the last few weeks. Quatre wasn't a Preventer anymore, Une had made him resign when she'd realised how many other obligations he had.

She didn't want him neglecting them for the sake of being an agent, especially when she'd found out he was CEO of Winner enterprises, the company that had set up the Preventers to begin with, and their biggest benefactor.

Une had been furious when she'd learned that the person who was essentially her boss had been working under her without her knowledge. Now Quatre was in politics, Une reported to him, and everyone was happy.

Trowa was still working with us. Part time so he could make sure his fiancé didn't try to take on too much at once. I often saw him around headquarters and made sure I called Quatre every couple of days to check on him.

Sometimes he needed to talk to me to keep his head screwed on straight. He told me he liked the way I explained things, because I used examples of life on L2 to break it down in a way that I would understand it.

Once I visited him at work and he let me sit in on one of his board meetings. I remember that day with clarity.

_"Hey Shelley!" I greeted Quatre's personal assistant as I approached her desk. She smiled at me as she glanced up from her computer. "How are ya?"_

_"Good afternoon, Duo." She replied politely, and rose to give me a hug._

_I'd hand picked her for the job, wanting to be safe in the knowledge that Quatre would be well looked after and everything kept in perfect order. She did a great job at it, making sure that he didn't overwork himself and ate on time._

_I'd been very involved in the set up of Winner enterprises. Quatre was a good judge of people, but I could spot a liar and a cheat a mile off, something he'd never got the hang of. "I'm good. Quatre said for you to just go right in when you arrived."_

_"Great. Oh, could you get someone to send me in some soda?" the last time I'd been there, I'd noticed that there had only been a water cooler and a coffee machine in there._

_"Of course."_

_"Thanks gorgeous." I gave her a wink and opened the door to slip inside._

_Quatre instantly rose to his feet as I entered._

_"Duo! You made it."_

_"Hey Quat." I returned the hug full force and he led me to sit in the empty seat next to him. "Sorry I'm late." My eyes slid around the room and I beamed at the men and women sat around the table as they stared back in disbelief._

_"You're always late." He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Nice t-shirt."_

_I was dressed in ripped jeans and black tee with the slogan: I am Satan's secret lovechild- written across it in red. The guys around the table were dressed in stuffy looking suits._

_I hated uniforms and suits. They made me feel trapped and without an identity, something that meant a lot to me. Even Une let me out of wearing one because she knew how I felt._

_I flopped down into the chair and put my hands behind my head as always whilst Quatre introduced me._

_"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like for you to meet Mr Maxwell-"_

_"Duo!" I snapped at him before raising my hand to wave at them all. "Hey people."_

_"Duo is here today at my request whilst we discuss our orphanage programme on L2."_

_"No shit!" exploded from my mouth and everyone turned to me frowning in disdain. I ignored them, leaning forward and placing my hands on the table._

_"You're setting it up?!"_

_"Of course." He replied gently, covering my hand with one of his. "You're my best friend Duo. I think it's a brilliant idea. We need to get more actively involved in charities."_

_"Excuse me Mr Winner, but who is this man?" One of the stiffer suits piped up in annoyance. "These meeting are closed to all but the active board members and executives-"_

_"Duo is an executive." Quatre replied simply, causing my second shock of the day._

_"Why have we never met him then?" another asked. "You made it very clear who they were when we started."_

_"Three of my executives are unknown to you, as they do not take active part in the company unless I choose to involve them, they are very private people. They are Trowa Barton, whom you have already been introduced to, Heero Yuy, Wufei Chang and of course Duo Maxwell."_

_"Well I for one think that is unacceptable." suit number one said. I decided that I didn't like him._

_"I'm a Gundam pilot dude." I replied with a feral grin, propping my feet up on the table and taking a can of soda from Shelley. "You think I care what you think?"_

* * *

End chapter five 


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

Author's note:

Okay guys, here's where it really starts to kick off.

Lots of Duo stupidness and angst ahead, so don't say I didn't warn you!

Dragon77 and the cheering squad: get ready for it, this'll either keep you completely hooked or kill your interest.

Naurto's chick: thanks for your review!

Yilun: gotta get the humour in there somewhere lol.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX**

Six days went by in a blur. I managed to stay awake for about five hours at a time. The morphine made me drop off unexpectedly and I was constantly disorientated. My speech improved though and I couldn't move without some pain or discomfort.

Heero and Wufei seemed to have made up and spent their days with me. I'd started sending them home at night though. I received all sorts of get well gifts and cards from people at work but my favourite was a vase of black roses from the two lovebirds. Quatre must have told them of my fondness for that particular type of flower.

Both had been acting strange lately though, Heero was being more attentive than usual and Wu was all over me. The bombshell came when they'd found out I'd had the IV taken out.

"You wore Sally down." Wufei was saying as I glared at him. "You're not ready to come off the morphine and you know it."

"I'll tell you the same thing that I told her. I will not take any more drugs. I hate them; they make me feel slow, stupid and helpless. I am not eating anything if that thing is in my arm." I retorted stubbornly. "Neither am I swallowing anything stronger than paracetamol, so deal with it."

I'd hated drugs forever. I'd seen what it had done to people on L2. Heero sighed and picked up the bowl of stew I'd pushed to one side during our altercation.

I let him feed me the contents, still too weak to lift the spoon myself, especially after I'd leaned too far over reaching for my drink the other day and my good arm had given out supporting my weight. Sally had lectured me for twenty minutes over that.

"You're such a pain in the ass!" Wufei ranted as he stormed off to make use of the facilities.

Heero ignored him and continued to feed me. Sally had told me that if I ate all of my meals over the next two days, she would consider releasing me. The bag had been taken out yesterday and I was getting a little stronger. I finished the bowl and gestured for my beaker. Heero waited till I finished before speaking.

"Ignore him koi…" he trailed off and I looked at him in shock. He'd just called me love.

"…you…don't call me that." I whispered afraid that someone had heard. "I'm not your love. I'm not your anything."

He done this twice before but at first I hadn't thought anything of it. But now…

"Duo, I'm sorry, but I can't help the way I feel-"

"Don't do this!" I snapped desperately, feeling my heart breaking. "Don't you dare do this! I won't let you hurt Wufei."

"Duo, let me explain-" my temper got the better of me then and I punched him as hard as I could. I think it hurt me more than it hurt him though.

"There is nothing to explain. You can't have me. You love Wufei." I knew I was crying but there was nothing I could do to stop that. "Don't break his heart. I'll never forgive you if you do. I don't want you coming to visit anymore Heero." I said calmly, tears still running down my cheeks. "And I don't want Fei to either. Make up excuses, lie, I don't care. You need to fix this 'cause I can't. I won't let you ruin your relationship for a chance at something that could never work out. Not now. Not ever."

The bathroom door opened again and Wufei returned. I quickly wiped my tears and put on a brave face. My Chinese partner took in the scene with concern.

"What's going on?" he asked, looking at each of us in turn. I jumped in before Heero could commit relationship suicide.

"We had an argument." I said lightly trying to placate him. "Don't worry, it's nothing serious, and we've sorted it all out now. But I'm tired now. You two should go home." Wufei opened his mouth to speak and I cut him off. "Just go, please."

As soon as the door closed behind them I began to cry again. Trowa stopped by later that evening and I confided in him near hysterical.

"I just can't deal with it right now." I said tiredly as I let him bathe me. "I need them to just go away. I broke my heart for their happiness and Heero doesn't even care."

"Things will work out." He said quietly as he helped me get changed. "You'll sort it out together."

"We can't." I replied brokenly. "I can't have him or Wufei. It's killing me inside. And now that Heero loves me back there's too much temptation in the mix."

"I still think you should talk to them." He settled me back on the bed.

"How? You don't understand." I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Trowa respected my wish and read to me again, trying to keep my spirits up. However my mind kept tracking back to the conversation and I was glad when he left, thinking I'd fallen asleep. I lay awake that night, trying to find a solution to my problem until the best idea I came up with was quitting the Preventers and going to L2. I wouldn't tell anyone, just pack up and leave.

I felt tears come to my eyes as I realised that I would never speak to any of them again for a long time, but I knew I had to do it or else everything I'd worked for would just fall apart in front of me. So as soon as I was well enough, I would book a flight and get my affairs in order.

Quatre dropped in the next morning to see me and it drained my energy to be upbeat and happy for him. I'd sworn Trowa to silence over what had happened, and I knew Heero would not say anything…yet.

He left when I dropped a hint, leaving me alone with my empty heart.

It was a struggle to get through the next two days but I did so without complaint. Sally pronounced me fit to go home a day earlier than expected and had Trowa help me get home to my one room apartment. He stopped off on the way and picked up some shopping.

Once we were in he cooked a meal and sat down to share it with me. I merely picked at mine.

"Heero wanted to see you yesterday." He said suddenly concentrating on his plate. My fork came down with a clatter.

"Well, I don't want to see him." I replied tersely. For a moment he looked like he was going to say something but decided against it.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay with us?" he asked at length. I shook my head.

"I'll be fine here."

I was too tired to argue with him when he cleared the dishes away and let himself out. I lay down on my sofa, wishing my pride would have let me take him up on his offer.

I slept fitfully that night, having several bad dreams before waking up, feeling unrested and equally unhappy. It took me ages to force down some breakfast and then I just sat on my couch staring aimlessly at the TV. Before I realised it, night had fallen and I hadn't eaten anything. I switched the TV Off and went to bed.

Sally had been under the illusion that I had been going to stay with one of the others; if she'd known what was going on she wouldn't have released me, as I was in no fit state to look after myself.

Over the course of the next week I forgot to take my vitamins and pain pills, check and change my dressings, and only ate when I remembered. When Quatre phoned the first few times I told him everything was fine. After that I ignored his calls completely.

Messages were left on my answering machine by all four of my friends, and every time I heard Wufei's and Heero's voice I began to cry.

In retrospect I knew I should have been worried but I'd fallen into deep depression and just couldn't bring myself to care anymore. I felt relieved when I finally began to sink in and out of consciousness, not being awake enough to think about my situation.

The next part of the story is still a little muddled for me.

* * *

End Chapter Six 


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note:

Hello, this is chapter seven.

Cjmarie quite aptly pointed something out to me today, most of you are still in school, whereas I am a twenty two year old slacker who works a slew of night shifts, so I thought it only fair that I send another chapter up before school tomorrow (assuming on the GMT clock, most of you should still be on your weekend). I remember what a pain it was to be in school and trying to keep updated….sucked.

Yilun: Yep, this is kind of obvious, but as I said before the Dragon77, I wanted to make sure the story was easy to follow.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

I'd been wandering around in a daze, it was coming up to my second week out of hospital and I wasn't even aware of it. Over the last few days, I'd felt hot and cold, and hadn't noticed that I'd left most of the windows open in my dizzied state.

On a whim, I decided to find something to eat. I staggered into the kitchen and just stood there looking around me. Eventually my hand reached unsteadily for the fridge and my fingers wrapped around a bottle of milk.

Everything went white for a moment and the next thing I knew I was sat on the floor in a puddle of milk, the glass smashed around my feet and the fridge door still wide open. Someone was banging on my door frantically but I couldn't summon the will to move or speak.

"Duo! Open the door!" I recognised Wufei's voice. He sounded panicked. The banging resumed for a few minutes before ceasing.

"Duo please, answer the door!" Heero was with him. The hammering started again.

"Duo, if you don't answer the door I'm going to break it down!" After a couple of minutes silence a gun fired twice in succession and my apartment door creaked open.

"Duo?" Wufei called cautiously. I heard them step into the lounge. "Where is he? It's freezing in here."

"Maybe the bedroom?"

"He should have woken up." They both sounded more than a little worried. I knew I was in big trouble. Footsteps tracked across into the bedroom, then came right back out.

"No sign of him. He's couldn't have gone out though, his keys and shoes are still here."

Someone pressed play on my answering machine whilst a set of shoes clicked across the hardwood floor towards the kitchen.

"Kuso!" I heard Heero swear as he came into view. Wufei was hot on his heels.

He knelt in the milk and checked me over, firing orders briskly over his shoulder at the chocolate haired Preventer.

"Go find clean clothes, blankets and his pills. Call Quatre, quick!"

Heero was back almost as soon as he left. He wrapped me in blankets as Wufei crushed my pills into a glass of water and forced me to drink it.

"He's running a fever." He reported, before crouching in front of me and tapping my face gently to get my attention. My eyes slowly tracked to him and he gazed at me with deep concern. "Duo, can you hear me?"

I nodded weakly, trying to move but my body would not obey me.

"We need to get him out of here." Heero said firmly, and got up, lifting me in his arms like I was nothing more than a toy doll. I heard Wufei speaking to Quatre on his cell.

"…I need you to have Duo's apartment secured A.S.A.P. No, he's not going to the hospital, we're taking him home. Yes. Get Trowa to call me as soon as he gets in."

I was carried to Wufei's car and bundled inside, blankets and all for the ride across the city to their little suburban house.

They wasted no time, whisking me inside and upstairs to the bathroom. I was still too far gone to speak, and everything felt dreamlike as they carefully stripped me and put me into a steaming hot bath.

Heero disappeared for while and Wufei knelt by the bath, gently running water over my shoulders and neck. He washed my hair as well.

I hadn't realised I'd been shaking uncontrollably until I began to warm up.

Once he was satisfied, he let out the water and got me onto the rug, watching as Heero saw to my wounds. He gave me a shot of something before getting rid of the dirty, sodden cast on my foot and wrapping it in a tight bandage.

"You're such a baka." He talked softly as he worked. "We've been worried sick about you. We thought you'd gone to stay with Quatre, but when we called him, he'd said you were at the apartment, and asked why we weren't there. What were you thinking?"

They got me dressed in pyjamas, and Wufei braided my hair. "Then you stopped answering his calls and he got worried. He's on a business trip so we came over to check on you. You should have called us."

I think I began to cry then because Wufei was wiping my face and making soothing noises as he picked me up and moved me into their bedroom, a place I'd never been before.

It was warm in here, but I was still cold, so he set me blankets and all into the bed before climbing in beside me. Heero did the same on my other side, and before I could question anything, I fell asleep.

* * *

End Chapter Seven 


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Author's note:

Hello all,

Chapter Eight makes an appearance. This chapter is dedicated to Yilun, who has been brilliant for my ego and I forgot to mention last time….I feel really bad about that by the way, and yes, Trowa has a 'Best Solid Rock to Lean On' award. As for Quatre…. shrug ever the tactician.

On another side note, Solitaire pointed out that I seem to have found the pilot's sweeter side….she's right. I got bored of reading fics where Heero was a human brick wall and all Wufei was capable of saying was 'injustice and 'kisama'. Had this been a real war, the pilots would hav gotten very close, and treated each other like family. Deep relationships are formed and though when in the company of others they might seem aloof to the point of rudeness, alone together, they would act as any other family would, no matter how dysfunctional. I realise this makes them seem OOC but it also makes them human. Duo's character has been muted also for this purpose. His outrageousness is only used in social situations, something akin to Hypomania with a social interaction disorder.

Thank you to all those who review/added me to their alerts. Sorry, there isn't enough room to mention anyone today. I will next time.

Anyway, before I get caught up, on with the story.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

I couldn't tell you what happened for two weeks after that. I'd sunk far inside myself in shock. 'Fei says I scared myself badly enough to send me into a catatonic state during that time. Everything was on automatic. I swallowed when something was put in my mouth. I closed my eyes when I went to sleep. I wet their bed no less than three times, but I can't recall it. Every time I try to my mind goes blank.

My first clear memory is of what Heero now calls 'coming out'. I suddenly found myself staring into Wu's face as he rambled brightly about the weather that day as he spoon-fed me. When I reached shakily for the spoon he gave a yell, and toppled off the bed in fright.

"Holy shit!" he cried as Heero came sprinting in.

"What is it?!" he demanded urgently, taking in the scene, Wufei backed up against the wall in fright, the bowl of soup slowly soaking into the quilt and me, sitting there with the spoon clutched in my fingers, looking confused as hell.

"He's lucid!" Wufei exclaimed as he found his way to his feet. Heero stared hard at us each in turn.

"Are you sure?" he asked slowly, not sure whether to believe the claim. I turned my head to look between them, frowning. Heero caught the movement and a happy expression spread across his face. "Thank the kami!"

"What's going on?" I asked in a hoarse voice. "Where am I?"

"You're at our house." Heero said, somewhat gently as he took the spoon from me and rested it on the bedside cupboard. "You've been really sick."

"Yeah." Wufei got onto the bed and enveloped me in a hug. "But you're okay now. You're getting better." He dropped a kiss on to my hair and pulled away a bit to look at me. "Heero and I have been watching over you."

"Don't remember anything…"

"And you probably never will." Heero finished off for me calmly squeezing my hand. "You've had a big shock."

"How long…" I worked up the courage to ask. "How long have I been here?"

"Two weeks."

"…Unconscious?"

"No."

"And you've been here the whole time?"

"Yes."

"I think I'm going to be sick!" I clapped a hand over my mouth and tried to get out of bed.

Wufei caught me as my legs folded beneath me and whisked me into the bathroom where I threw up everything I'd eaten, and then some. He crouched beside me and held my hair out of the way as I heaved. When I was done he sat me on the closed lid and fetched a glass of water to wash away the taste. I swallowed it gratefully, holding the glass with both hands as I shook uncontrollably.

Wufei said nothing, content to lean against the sink and watch me. I offered him the now empty glass and he took it away, giving me a few minutes to gather my wits. Heero popped his head around the bathroom door to have a look at me.

"Are you okay?"

"I think so."

"Want to come downstairs?"

I nodded and let him pick me up to take me downstairs where he sat me carefully on the couch. I'd lost more weight since waking up in hospital, and looked thin and waiflike. He got up and looked through his movie collection before settling on one and popping it into the reader.

"Heero, what…"

"Shh." He raised a finger to his lips. "You need to calm down and stop thinking for a bit."

He was right, I came to the conclusion as he settled beside me and looped an arm around me to pull me onto his shoulder. It felt weird sitting like that, and Wufei did not help matters when he sat down and pulled my legs into his lap. After while I got used to it though and let my worries drain away for a while.

The film was some old Japanese cartoon about a girl and her talking cat that was actually a magical demon sent to tell her that she was a princess from another dimension. I lay there and watched in silence until near the end of the movie the phone rang and Wufei got up to answer it.

"Wei?" he always answered the phone in Chinese, just like I answered in slang and Heero in Japanese. It's just something we'd always done. "Trowa, hi. He's back with us. Just came out of it a couple of hours ago. Mm hm. Disoriented, couldn't think straight. Do you want to talk to him?"

Heero turned the volume down on the TV. As Wufei leaned over the back of the couch to hand me the phone.

"Hello?" I said tentatively. I relaxed when I heard Trowa's voice.

"Hey Duo. Are feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I think. I'm a bit…I don't know" He chuckled quietly down the line at my hesitant explanation.

"You're going to be fine." He reassured me. "Don't panic. Just take things slow okay? If you can't do something then it's not the end of the world."

"Okay."

"I've got to go now, Quatre wants a quick word. Remember what I said."

"Yes Tro." The phone was passed over. "Hello?"

"Oh Duo, thank Allah you're okay! Are you being looked after?"

"Yes. I'm…" He had to stop speaking as Quatre began to sob loudly down the phone. After a minute Trowa came back on the line.

"I'm sorry Duo. He's just very relieved to hear your voice. We've been visiting you every day and it really upset him to see you like that…" I pushed the phone away and buried my face in Heero's shoulder, unable to deal with my latest escapade just yet.

"Trowa, it's Wufei again. No, he's just tired. I think Quatre was just a bit too much for him. Yeah. Okay. Friday? See you then." I watched him hang up and come to sit back down before speaking.

"Are they okay?"

"Just tired and emotional, like the rest of us." A timer beeped somewhere and Heero immediately got to his feet. He held his hands out to me and I spread my arms for him to lift me almost unconsciously. When he held me in his arms it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Time for you to go."

"Go where?" I asked as he moved for the stairs.

"You need to pee."

"I do?"

"Trust me on this." He said as we climbed the stairs. Once on the toilet I shooed him off into the hall and sat there, feeling more than a little stupid. I waited for a minute, before calling out to him.

"This is silly Heero, I don't need to-" I stopped in disbelief as I suddenly heard a whizzing sound. "You have_ got_ to be kidding." I muttered under my breath.

As soon as I was finished he took me back down to the lounge. We stayed down there until Heero fell asleep. Wufei shook him awake and chivvied him off to bed, with us only seconds behind. The uncomfortable feeling came back as I was laid down between them. "I shouldn't sleep in the middle." I mumbled with embarrassment as they both embraced me.

"Why not?" Heero demanded around a yawn. "I _like_ you where you are." Wufei placed a sweet kiss on my lips and I stared at him in shock.

"Don't even think of moving." he growled tiredly as he pulled the tie out of his hair. "You're exactly where I want you to be."

Had they gone mad?

"Just before you shoved me out of danger you told me you loved us both. I think you lost that part of your memory. Well I remember it very clearly, and I heard how you gave up your heart so we could be together. So now we want you. With us. I love you Duo."

"_We_ love you." Heero corrected, stealing my breath with a kiss of his own. "Now go to sleep."

* * *

Footnote: there will be more to this story, It is by far not over yet.

End Chapter Eight


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note:

Hello all,

We have reached chapter nine, and are about a third of the way through the story.

I thank every one on you who has sent in a review…I have forty five, very impressive!

My review of the day award goes to Bunch-o-Nuts. This chapter has been dedicated to you.

My faithful fans Yilun, Cjmarie, Snowdragonct, Dragon77, Solitaire, Alzilur and Tora-Chan, for your continued support, I offer you the chance of a first peek at the next chapter. Simply pm with your email before midnight tonight (gmt) and I will send it out to you.

Shadowdreamer Lady Fate and Kamui-white flower, welcome, and thank you for your reviews.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE**

When I awoke the next morning I felt a little better. I'd been afraid to sleep in case I found myself lost again, but had finally managed to settle. I could see light filtering through the curtains and it looked like we'd slept into the afternoon. I glanced at my bed mates. Wufei was lay on his stomach, one hand resting possessively across my midriff and Heero was sleeping on his side, leg draped carefully across my own. I didn't want to disturb them, but nature was calling rather urgently.

I sat up, carefully dislodging their tangled limbs and slid to the end of the bed. Heero grunted, but did not wake. I managed to stand with some effort and hobbled to the bathroom, bent almost double, my ribs still extremely tender.

It took me the best part of ten minutes to get in there and sat down, so you can imagine my disappointment when nothing seemed to work for a moment. I tried to relax and that seemed to work. Once done though, I found myself with a big problem. Namely, how the hell did I get back to the bedroom? My energy was spent, and I could only sit there and berate myself quietly for not thinking of this before.

"Heero?" I heard Wufei say as he began to shift about. Heero stirred and mumbled something. "Koi, wake up!" I heard the covers moving as he sat up quickly. "Where's Duo?"

"Duo?" there was a small pocket of silence, then two tell tale thumps as they dived out of bed. "Kisama! How did he get out of bed?" I could imagine their bemused looks and found the will to drag myself up and to the door, having to shuck my pyjama bottoms to move. Luckily I'd been able to pull up the loose cotton boxers.

"Here!" I said as loud as I could, leaning as far as I possibly dared so they could see me. I've never seen them look so relieved in their lives. They both moved to help me and waved them away. "Look." I was determined to show them how I'd improved and made my way slowly towards them. At the last few inches my strength failed me but both were there to catch me as I lost power. "I can walk." I gasped as Wufei lowered me to sit on the edge of the queen sized bed.

"You're not ready to even try." Heero replied anxiety evident in his tone. "What if you'd have hurt yourself?"

"I wanted to do it; I wanted to know that I was getting better. I don't want…" I steadied myself and took another breath. "I don't want to…to go back _there_." A shiver ran down my spine. They knew what I was referring to.

"You're not going to."

"Okay action-man." Wufei swept me up into his arms. "No more walking for you today."

"But Wu…!"

"No." He said firmly. "Face it. You're just not strong enough yet. I don't want you doing that unless either of us is around to watch you."

"You can show Quatre and Trowa on Friday." Heero offered with a smile. That of course, caused me to send one back to him. Then someone's stomach rumbled loudly.

"I think that means it's breakfast time." I said when nobody moved. We went down to the kitchen and my eyes wandered as I was sat at the table. I watched as Heero rummaged through the cupboards and took over the task of making the meal. Wufei attempted to help but was brushed off.

"_My_ kitchen!" Heero barked grumpily and his boyfriend shrugged and leant against the counter.

"He thinks he rules the place." 'Fei complained with a smile. I snapped at them when they tried to feed me.

"Give me the damn spoon, I can do it myself!" I told them tersely, and glared into my oatmeal as I fumbled with it, knowing that they were watching like hawks. I wasn't surprised when I couldn't finish.

Apparently, 'Ro's domination did not extend to washing dishes, as it was Wufei who tidied up the breakfast things whilst I was taken for a shower. Heero refused to let me take care of things on my own in there, and I had to endure as he stripped and climbed in to help wash. Now that I was feeling semi normal though, there were some things in which I was not taking 'no' for an answer. My next victory went a little like this:

"Okay, where are my clothes?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm not sitting around in my nightwear all day."

"Why not, we're not going anywhere."

"Heero, don't treat me like a two-year-old. Get me a tee and a pair of cut offs. I know my stuff's here somewhere."

"No."

"I want to get dressed."

"No."

"Yuy, this is _not_ a fucking request, I am telling you. Find me something to wear. Now."

"Duo…"

Heero has a tone of voice, a warning tone that he uses when he wants me to do things _his_ way. And after all the years we've known each other, he still forgets that I can be as immoveable as a gundanium wall. Oh, he tries alright. But sometimes, I am just not going to back down.

"Do not start an argument with me now, because I guarantee you will. Not. Win."

He sulked. I glared. I got my way. Easy.

Back down in the lounge Wufei pulled out his photo albums and we whiled away the afternoon poring over them. It was only then that I remembered my scrap book and was delighted when he told me that it was safe in a drawer in the bedroom. I was watching them play a game of chess when the doorbell rang. 'Ro went to answer it.

I was shocked to see Sally Po following him into the sitting-room. She got right down to business, checking me over as she talked.

"Name?"

"Duo Maxwell."

"Date of birth."

"No clue."

"Today's date?"

I glanced questioningly at the others. Wufei answered for me.

"He doesn't know yet. His memory's still shaky." She blinked once at him, then continued.

"Any pain?"

"…no."

"Discomfort?"

"No."

"Tiredness?"

"No. Yes. I don't know."

"How long have you been coherent?"

"T-two days." I stumbled over that one, feeling uneasy.

"Can you remember anything?"

"…no." I swallowed the bile rising in the back of my throat, why was I reacting like this?

"Any relapses-" I began to heave violently and Heero shot into the kitchen to retrieve a basin. I managed to keep it down by sheer force of will until he returned then promptly spewed my guts up. Soon I had nothing more to offer and the heaving stopped. Heero helped me sit back and I drank down the water thrust into my hands.

"It seems to be a side effect of the trauma." My eldest partner explained in a low voice. "He can't remember and if he tries to force it he starts to throw up."

"Interesting."

"It's not interesting, it's stupid!" I began to heave again as I started thinking about my strange reaction.

"Stop!" Wufei cried out, taking my arm and squeezing it. "Stop it Duo. Think about something else."

"I-can't!" My breath was coming it short gasps as my stomach muscles contracted painfully.

"Close your eyes." He ordered. I obeyed, and he pulled me to lean against him. "Slow, deep breaths. Think of the sky. A deep blue one. You can see clouds…" I let his voice guide me into a calming daydream. By the time he'd finished I was breathing normally and felt relaxed. I opened my eyes and saw three faces staring down on me.

"Did it work?" I asked stupidly, and they all smiled. Sally stayed just long enough to prescribe me some vitamins and sedatives (to be used in emergencies) before packing up. I looked at Heero in surprise as she handed him two prescriptions as well.

"What's that?" I asked, ever the curious one. Heero sighed heavily.

"This one's mine, it's for my sugar levels." He explained.

"And the other one?"

"Wufei has nightmares. He takes sleeping aids."

"Nightmares."

"Enough." Wu said firmly. "You don't need to know."

"The hell I don't!" I shot back with a warning glower. He ignored it, and took Sally to her car. Heero took advantage of the private moment.

"Don't push it. It's a touchy subject."

I agreed, but made up my mind to get to the bottom of that mystery as soon as I could. Wufei returned and kept me company whilst Heero made the pharmacy run. As we sat there, a thought popped into my head. I voiced it as he began to tidy away the photo albums.

"Wu, why aren't you in work?"

He stopped what he was doing and turned to me a hint of fear in his eyes. He tried to cover it with a confused look.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Heero. Neither of you have even mentioned the Preventers or Une. What's wrong?"

"We…" He sat down beside me and fiddled with a chess piece as he searched for the words. "Une granted us extended leave…to look after you."

"What?!" they'd put their careers on hold? Whose stupid idea was that? "Whose stupid idea was that?" I repeated my thoughts unconsciously and his face took on a pained expression.

"It's not your fault koi-" That word again. "We needed to…neither of us could cope with working. Not right now."

I fell silent then. So it wasn't entirely my fault. That didn't make it hurt any less. After that, I moody for the rest of the day. They gave up trying to cheer me up after a couple of hours and let me sulk. We went to bed tired, and unhappy. That didn't stop them from snuggling up to me.

* * *

End Chapter Nine 


	10. Chapter 10

Author's note:

Hello all,

Welcome to chapter ten.

Now is the time to explore into the pilot's relationships a little more.

Snowdragonct: Yes, Duo does have them somewhat wrapped around his pinkie, you'll see that more and more as the story plays out.

Tora-Chan: 'Ro and 'Fei to me are natural worriers, and will keep striving to make things work any way they can, taking into account Heero's natural instinct for everything to be planned and Wufei's inclination to see things through to the end.

Yilun:: I'll keep updating as close to daily as I can!

And to Hellfire: a sincere apology for forgetting you last time!

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN**

Wu woke first the next morning, and was waiting for me to need the bathroom. Friday was here and I was quiet, apprehensive about seeing Quat and Tro. We ate breakfast in near silence. By the time they arrived I was on edge. I heard a key twist in the lock and stared at Heero and Wufei in surprise. It was Heero who explained.

"I gave them each a key for when we were away or busy. They just let themselves in."

Quatre was already crying as he appeared in the room. Trowa was as calm as always, but it was the slight worry I saw in his eyes that scared me.

"Duo!" Quat threw himself at me, unheeding the warning hands and cries for him to be careful. He enveloped my in a firm but gentle hug, breath hitching in his chest.

"It's okay, I'm alright, don't cry, I'm going to be okay." I babbled soothingly, returning his hug tightly. Momentary hysteria took over and tears began to leak from my eyes. It was five minutes before we let go of each other and I realised that _I_ had been holding _him_ there for at least three of them.

Trowa ruffled my hair and tugged his fiancé to sit in his lap next to me on the couch as Wufei moved to make drinks for everyone. After a length of silence I laughed at Trowa and he smiled back. "What's the matter? You look like you've seen the god of death!"

"Well, funny you should say that. I thought you'd be a little more intimidating in person." He chuckled at our personal joke. It had been an exchange from the first time he'd spoken to my other personality, Shinigami, as they'd all dubbed him.

They knew that he was a separate entity. The first time we'd been on a mission together, he'd got a glimpse of Shinigami at his worst, and it had knocked him for a loop. We'd been tired and injured and a bunch of Oz soldiers had surrounded us in their base. They'd rubbed me up completely the wrong way, and of course, I'd gotten pissed.

By the time I'd finished playing with them, Trowa had discovered that I had another, darker side to me. Then he was terrifying. Now he was a pain in the ass when he took over. Shinigami is anything but a team player.

"So you're really okay?" My angelic looking friend asked with those impossibly wide blue eyes of his. I swear, if I hadn't seen him go Zero, I would have thought him harmless like OZ had. I knew better though. I smiled reassuringly.

"I'm doin' great Quat." I wanted him to be secure in the knowledge that he shouldn't worry about me.

"He's getting there." Heero said firmly, taking the wind out of my comfort-sails. I ignored him and ploughed on.

"I'm doing really well! I can even walk now."

"Duo, you just surfaced from a catatonic state-" My stomach lurched at Tro's words and I was grateful when Wufei cut him off.

"Leave it alone Barton. We can't talk about that at the moment." My stomach rolled a second time as my mind automatically went back to it and my Chinese partner was suddenly there, helping me to calm down I must have paled somewhat in those last few seconds because when I opened my eyes the other two were staring at me with a mixture of shock and undisguised horror.

I tried to brush it off but it was only when I had Heero help me to my feet that they forgot about it.

"Are you ready?" He asked softly as I straightened carefully. I nodded to him and he let go, stepping back but keeping _very_ close by in case I stumbled or ran out of power.

I shuffled slowly across the room to where Wufei stood waiting and collapsed into his hold, sweating and shaky at the exertion but happy with my accomplishment.

"Well done!" Quatre clapped his hands as I was lowered gingerly onto the sofa.

"You know me Q, too stubborn to sit on my ass."

"Too stubborn to listen to anyone more like." 'Fei grouched. I shot an acidic glare at him then turned back to Quatre, giving him my best grin. He smiled back hesitantly. _Why_ was everyone treating me like spun glass?

"So how did your business trip go?" I asked, wanting to get them going so I could have time to recover.

"We went to Paris." He replied excitedly. "Between the talks, we toured the city, and Trowa showed me some of the sights. It was so beautiful."

"We want to go there we get leave." Heero said, stretching out next to them on the couch.

"You have to visit the Metro, and go to district five. There are so many wonderful sights."

"Where do you want to visit on your holidays Duo?" Trowa asked, diverting all attention back to me. I blushed a little. They all knew that apart from missions, I hadn't ever been anywhere. And on missions, you didn't really get to take in the scenery. You usually were too busy running through it or blowing the shit out of it. Plus the fact that since the war had ended, I had been working non stop. Une was already on my case about that, and I'd promised her that I would take holiday soon.

"I don't really know…hadn't thought about it. I thought I would just-I dunno, stay here."

"You're not serious?!" Quatre exclaimed, and I shrugged.

"Isn't there somewhere you've always wanted to visit?" 'Fei asked softly, leaning forward with interest. I thought about it, hard. I had seen maps, and shows on TV about holiday resorts and things, but most of it hadn't appealed to me. I concentrated, but nothing came to mind. Heero had been travelling with Relena, when he'd taken a post as her bodyguard before joining the Preventers. Wufei had already taken holidays, and they had both been to Brazil a few months back. Quatre's job took him all over the world, and Trowa always went with him. I sighed, and then it came to me.

"Egypt." I said finally looking up at them with hope in my eyes. "I want to see the Pyramids."

"Is that all?" Wu asked incredulously, looking at me in consternation. "You have six weeks vacation to use, and all you can think of is Egypt?"

"Well I can't think of anywhere else."

"What interests you?"

"Um…old buildings, history."

"Why don't you go visit Rome as well?" Trowa said wisely. You could spend two weeks in Egypt, and then a week there."

"That still leaves three weeks." Heero frowned. "Where else could you go?"

"Beijing." Wufei said suddenly, as an idea hit him. I looked at him questioningly. He elaborated. "Once you said to me that you'd like to visit my ancestors' country. They lived in China, though I've visited, I've never lived there. We could go for a week."

"Okay."

"It's settled then. China, then Rome, then on to Egypt." Quatre said resolutely.

Then I grimaced.

"Uh, guys, I hate to be the voice of reason here, but how are we going to afford all this?"

"You're not." Quatre replied gently. "I'm paying." He forestalled my argument with a raised palm. "Don't even _think_ about it Maxwell. You are going on a proper holiday. I am covering the costs and I am not taking 'no' for an answer. It's my way of paying you for being one of my executives."

"But-"

"It's no different for me." Tro said calmly. "I help him with the day to day running of the company. You know how Quatre works with his family. It's not about the money. I wouldn't take money, and I know for a fact that you would

refuse in a heartbeat."

He got me there. Right in the chest. Before I could stop myself I was nodding dumbly. Even I couldn't win against Quatre in this mood. There were times when he was more determined than me.

They stayed for a while, until I began nodding off, worn out with the emotional rollercoaster.

"Come back soon!" I called as they left, before holding my arms out to Wufei as he stood. "Bath please?"

He acceded with my request before tucking me into bed. Heero stayed downstairs for a while to tidy up, but I was so tired I was asleep before he came to bed.

* * *

End Chapter Ten 


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note:

Welcome,

Chapter eleven has finally arrived.

This chapter always makes me feel warm and tingly inside, like I've just eaten popcorn dipped in chocolate (yum).

This chapter I dedicate to Leikaru. Leikaru: I think you're brilliant! You give great review that make me preen. I only wish I could answer your guesses, some of them are spot on, but it drives me crazy knowing I can't tell you for fear of ruining things!

Review of the day goes to Knyghtshade and Yilun the former for that extremely short but sharp observation. Dry humour always has me laughing for hours! And the latter for her little ditty…I have it stuck in my head now damn you!

Tora-Chan, Solitaire. Cjmarie, Hellfire, Snowdragonct, Pikeebo, Shadowdreamer Lady Fate, Bunch-o-Nuts (who has a brilliant moniker and impressed me after only one review), Alzilur, Kamui-white flower, Aya-Chan, I lyk Pie, InzanityRulz, Naurto's chick, Sara and Head Cheerleader Dragon77 thank you for all your lovely reviews and support. And thanks to all the people who added me.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

Things settled down for a week or so, and we all fell into a comfortable routine. I let myself be babied and watched for any signs that they were neglecting their relationship, but came up with nothing.

They'd started to turn on the romance now, so I was getting used to their advances. We gave each other little gifts (I got one to buy for the other, using my money, or had things delivered from the internet, which I started to use a lot in my boredom.), we hugged and kissed on occasion. I wouldn't let it go past that stage just yet.

Heero and Wufei carried on as normal, full on smooches, bum squeezing, the odd sexual encounter here and there. They were careful not to try it on though unless I was preoccupied with sleeping or bathing. I was healing slowly, but getting there. Then something happened to complicate things again.

"You're gonna be okay in there?" Heero asked as he set me down outside the bathroom. He'd been helping me do gentle exercises out in the garden, the weather warm and dry. I'd now graduated from invalid to walking wounded, and could make it from the front door to the kitchen without any trouble. That hadn't stopped them though, and I wasn't allowed to set foot on the stairs alone.

I would not however, suffer the indignity of being assisted in the bathroom any longer.

"Fine." I growled, tired and aching from my earlier workout. I limped inside and plopped down on the toilet. No standing for me.

I sighed in relief as I began to empty my bladder, but hissed when I felt it sting. I looked down and saw pink urine. I knew immediately what was wrong. I'd felt uncomfortable for days, but had thought it only a stomach ache.

"Heero." I called, quite calmly, as I pulled my shorts and sweatpants up, moving to sit on the side of the bath, knowing not to move. "I need you to call Sally."

"What's wrong Koi?" He asked, worried.

"Just call her please."

"Duo…" I felt his panic transferring to me but managed not to get upset.

"Heero, listen to me. Call Sally, and tell her we're coming to the hospital. Then bring the car around and come and get me."

Wufei had gone out to the travel agents to get brochures for us to look at, and I didn't know when he'd be back. Heero did as I asked and as he carried me towards the front door I reminded him, keeping my composure, that he needed to leave a note for Wu. I wouldn't tell him anything on the drive to the hospital. Sally was already waiting out front as we pulled up.

"There's blood in my urine." I told her in a low voice as Heero went to commandeer a wheelchair. "I think something's torn inside."

"You've still not told them?" she asked in concern, shooting a look at my partner. I shook my head.

"No. and I am not going to if I can help it."

She said nothing more and stood back as Heero loaded me into the chair before leading the way to the exam room. I ordered him out when he didn't move.

"I don't want you in here." I said firmly as he stared back at me.

"But Duo, you-"

"Go, Heero. I mean it. It's nothing to worry about, trust me, I'm fine." I gave him a reassuring smile and out he went, not comforted in the least. I submitted to Sally's exam and wasn't surprised when she said I'd ripped a couple of stitches and she needed to repair them.

"You're going to have to tell them. What if it happens again?"

I glowered at her, but said nothing as she invited them both in. Wufei had arrived only ten minutes before. Both looked ashen and at their wits end.

"Duo? What's wrong, love?" Wufei dove straight in, and I smiled at them both.

"Nothing that can't be fixed. I tore something in my stomach and Sally needs to operate."

"Operate?!" Heero went white. I've never seen him so worried.

"It's nothing big, really. Three stitches came loose and I'm bleeding."

"Internally? When did you…" 'Fei trailed off as he realised what they hadn't been privy to. "You…had internal bleeding?"

Oh, were things going to hell in a hand basket. I needed to get the situation back under control.

"Calm down, the both of you. Yes, I had internal injuries. But you didn't need to know. It wasn't anything serious-"

"Serious?" He chuckled. It sounded angry. "Serious?!" yep, definitely angry.

"Duo, have you lost your mind?! How could you keep something like this from us? What if you hadn't noticed? What if you'd tripped over and ruptured something badly. You would have bled to death right in front of us and we would have no idea what was going on!"

"Enough!" Heero cried, stepping between us. I was saved. "Stop it. You're right, don't doubt that for a second, but right now Duo needs surgery and we're just holding them up. Let them do their job and then you can go to town on him."

Bummer. Heero wasn't letting it slide. Sally seemed happy enough and began to prep for surgery. Both of my favourite men leaned down to kiss me, but I knew that I was in the doghouse. Wufei reaffirmed that with his next words.

"We love you, but don't think for one minute that I am letting this go. We will be very annoyed with you."

I nodded in relief and held a hand each as they walked beside the gurney down to theatre, only letting go when I had to.

The anaesthetic was administered and Sally asked me to count to ten. It was the strongest one, we Gundam pilots were well known for immunities to drugs.

"One, two…three…four…five…six……" Things went hazy for a minute, and then got clear again. "…seven…eight…nine, ten. Hey Sally, it's not working-"

I stopped dead as I turned to see she wasn't where she was supposed to be standing. I heard laughing and turned my head in the opposite direction and saw her standing there, with my partners stood either side of her. Confused didn't even _begin_ to explain how I felt.

I tried to sit up, but couldn't manage it. Wu helped me up being very, very careful. "What happened? Did you do surgery?"

"Yes Duo." She said in exasperation. "And next time you want to start exercising, ask me first. You forgot all about your internal injuries didn't you?"

I had the good grace to flush with embarrassment. "Look. I'll sort out an exercise programme for you, but in the meantime," She began to tick things off her fingers. "No twisting, no stretching, no _walking,_" Oh. They'd told her. "And no bending. I'm serious." I nodded meekly and she looked at each of them in turn. "Well, my work here is done. Don't be too hard on him; he was only thinking of you."

They both came closer and I took their hands again, gazing at them sadly.

"I really fucked up didn't I?"

"Yes you did." Wu said matter-of-factly.

"You're gonna make me regret it aren't you?"

"Of course."

"I'm not going to be allowed to do anything am I?"

"…nope!" They both said in unison and I groaned.

"In all honesty though, you did bring it on yourself. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Um…it slipped my mind?" I looked around and noted the lack of medical equipment. "So how long will I be here for?"

"We negotiated her down to one night, and then we can take you home." Heero said, leaning down to kiss me. It wasn't until he broke away that I realised that it had been a full on snog-fest. I didn't have time to react before 'Fei pounced.

"I want some of that too!" He declared. Once he'd finished, I felt dizzy, and it wasn't from the lack of oxygen.

"No more secrets, okay?" Heero spoke again, eyes burning into mine.

"No more secrets." I agreed resolutely.

* * *

End Chapter Eleven 


	12. Chapter 12

Author's note:

Welcome to chapter twelve. It's a dismally short chapter, but perfectly necessary, so if I'm feeling generous, I might squeeze in another chapter later today.

Trunks lil' sis has the chapter dedication this time. Her reviews are sweet but I am ashamed to say that because she seems so quiet, I completely forgot. So here is my apology.

Review of the day goes to Leikaru. Who seems to always get these awards, but never fails to make my day.

Again, thank you ALL for reviewing, I feel as if this is truly worth it.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

True to her word, Sally released me the next morning. I was given a pack of disgustingly strong painkillers, and swore to her that I would take them when she promised pain of death if I didn't. I did not set one foot on the ground during my journey from the hospital bed to the couch at their house.

I was propped up with pillows and wrapped in a blanket and told that if I moved they would sedate me and put me in bed for two days. I thought that it was going a bit too far when Heero placed an old comm. unit on the table within easy reach, but I didn't dare to say anything.

The situation was still a little tense, and I had to let them get away with stuff over which I would usually be ripping them apart. I stuck to my word and did not do anything except stare mindlessly at the TV, and talk a couple of times on the phone.

We'd gone back to the days where they were bathing me and I was quite cranky because of it. By this time, I'd forgotten about my time in limbo and the weird reaction. No-one had brought it up and I'd pushed it to the back of my mind.

I started to get back on my feet, and was able to walk, Sally said, as long as someone aided me. Lucky for me, I had two willing crutches.

They began to take me out. I was healing nicely, my foot was in a support bandage and the chest wraps had come off. My wrist had healed ages ago, so all that was left were my stitches, and I wasn't taking chances with that. I was often visited by Quatre, and he stayed for hours at a time.

I returned to my mission of finding out about Fei's nightmares and it paid off one night. He woke up screaming. Heero wasn't in bed with us that night.

He'd been called out at about two in the morning by Une for some reason. So I sat there in bed, not quite knowing what to do as he dreamt about something horrible. When he called out my name it suddenly dawned on me what it was about.

"DUO! DUO! Watch out! Heero, help me, we have to save him!"

"Wu, wake up, you're dreamin'." I shook him gently to no avail. "Wu-babe, wake up! It's okay, I'm fine."

"Duo! Heero, why won't you save him!"

Something happened in his mind then, because he jerked once as if a puppet with it's strings cut and shot awake with a loud yell. I watched as he sat up and glanced around quickly to assess the situation, reaching for a gun that wasn't there.

"'Fei?" I spoke his name softly, hoping not to alarm him further, and he looked at me, frightened out of his skin. It was a look I didn't recognize and I felt some of his terror transfer to me. I shook it off quickly and reached for him, unsurprised when he collapsed into my arms, holding me tightly.

"Oh, thank god, thank god." He repeated like a mantra. I rocked him gently.

"Shh, it's okay, it was just a dream."

"He just stood there, they all stood there, no one would help!" he babbled furiously, as he squeezed a little tighter. "I couldn't get to you, there was blood everywhere."

It was clear to me he wouldn't go back to sleep, so I coaxed him into taking me downstairs and we sat in the kitchen with mugs of hot chocolate and talked. I reassured him that he was fine, and so was everyone else, then set to cheering him up.

The sun was coming up when Heero dragged himself in, exhausted from work and found us in the kitchen talking quietly. I related what had happened and he too wrapped Wufei in a comforting hold. We were all worn out by then and traipsed up to bed. I shoved Wufei into the middle this time and when he protested I shook my head.

"You're sleeping in the middle this time. We both want to hold you. That way you'll know you're safe."

He was too on edge and exhausted to argue as I snuggled down on his left, Heero on his right and we slipped away immediately. We slept until evening, had a meal, then went straight back to bed.

* * *

End Chapter Twelve 


	13. Chapter 13

Author's note:

At last we have reached the infamous chapter thirteen.

This chapter is, predictably, the halfway point for the story. Thirteen, unlucky as a number and unlucky here.

A lot of things will begin to makes sense here, but don't worry, it won't spoil the rest of the story.

Thank you, Sambee and Catmay, for joining my review list.

Yilun gets review of the day award, for stroking my ego……AGAIN.

I have dedicted this chapter to HellFire, who seems to be having a hard time of late, but never fails to review. Hellfire: trust me, I've been there, and it ain't pretty.

Keep reading, all will become clear.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Time flew by and I was getting stronger every day. Heero was called back to work and it was only a matter of time before Une called Wufei back as well. I began to pitch in around the house and occasionally made a trip to the corner store.

We had our vacation planned for two weeks in the future and I was looking forward to it, until the trauma reaction came back and hit me with the force of a freight train.

It was a normal day by my standards, and I'd just hung up on a phone call to Quatre, who was currently throwing a fit about one of his staff. I'd begun to prepare lunch for myself and as my mind had wandered, I found myself thinking about how I'd come so far since that awful mission.

I must have zoned out because the next thing I knew, I was sat at the kitchen table, and I could smell something burning. I shook as I turned the oven off and flew into the living room to get the phone, fighting down the panic as I dialled Heero's number as quickly as I could with trembling fingers.

When I heard his voice I sank down the wall I was leaning against, pulling my knees against my chest.

"Moshi moshi?" I tried to steady my voice but my nerves were too frayed.

"H-Heero?"

"Duo? What's the matter?" he'd caught the trips in my voice and was instantly worried.

"I don't know, please come home!"

"I'm on my way now." I heard him moving, grabbing his jacket and keys, and felt a little guilty that I'd made him drop everything. "What happened?"

"I went….back _there_. Please Heero, I need you!"

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving now. Keep calm, take deep, slow breaths. Remember what Wufei said, you need to concentrate. Close your eyes and think of something relaxing. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"DON'T HANG UP!" I shouted in alarm, clutching the phone closer.

I needed a focal point, and Heero's voice was the only thing keeping me sane right at that moment.

"I won't. I'm staying right here. Listen to me. I want you to look at the clock. What time is it?"

"A q-quarter to five."

"When you last looked, what time was it?"

"Ten past twelve." I took another deep breath. Where had that knowledge come from?

"What were you doing?"

"M-making something to eat."

"Have you hurt yourself?"

"….no."

"Good. Keep concentrating." He said firmly. "What's nine times six?"

"Sixty four."

"Where is the biggest continent on earth?"

"Um...Antarctica."

He kept up with the questions to keep me distracted until he walked into the house. Wufei had come with him and both rushed to my side. I clutched at them like lifelines but couldn't move, still petrified.

"We're here now, you're safe." Wu told me as he rubbed my back. "Let's get you up."

Heero stood to check the kitchen as my other partner supported me to my feet. It must have been difficult for him because I had my hands fisted in his shirt and was pretty much a dead weight. I was still shaking visibly as we sat on the big armchair, him sitting first then pulling me into his lap.

"What's happening to me?!" I demanded, near hysterical. 'Fei shook his head sadly. "Why is it happening? I was doing great!"

"I don't know koi." He said softly, kissing my temple. "but we'll find out, I promise."

"I don't want to go back there, please do let it take me again!"

"Maxwell!" The use of my last name combined with shake had the desired effect and brought me back to my senses. "You need to settle down. Stop the hysterics or you'll go into a panic-attack."

"'Fei!" I buried my head in his shoulder and cried hard, unable to stop myself.

"It's all right koi, we'll figure it out. 'Ro?" he called into the kitchen, and my messy haired partner appeared in the doorway.

"It's okay, nothing that can't be repaired." He reported as he dropped to his knees and put his hands on my thighs. I gazed at him from under a fall of hair (Wu has an obsession with it, he keeps pulling the band out to let it fall free.) and hiccoughed. He looked up into my eyes steadily as he spoke. "It's you that I'm worried about." I didn't answer, just stared back dumbly. Then I saw the void looming up behind him and curled into Wufei.

"DON'T LET IT TAKE ME! DON'T LET IT TAKE ME!" I shrieked, terrified.

They did not move, and after a few moments of silence and nothing happening, I poked my out from its hiding place and glanced around. "Is it…gone?" I asked in a small voice, still holding Wu in a death-grip. When neither of them was forthcoming with an explanation I began to wail. "What's wrong with me!?"

Heero took both of my small hands in his larger ones, rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs, looking down as he replied.

"My best guess is PTSD. All of your symptoms are pointing to that. The blocked memories, the throwing up, and time loss. It all adds up."

"But _why_? Why now? Why not back when I was piloting? I've been in situations that were ten times worse and remembered them."

"That's it!"'Fei said excitedly. "Maybe it's not the mission. Maybe it was something that happened _on_ the mission or after it that triggered you."

"But nothing happened!" I maintained defensively. "I still can't remember parts of it!"

"That's exactly the point."'Ro said, taking my chin in his hand and gazing at me intently. "you can't remember. _Anything_ could have happened and you wouldn't know, because it's been blocked out by your subconscious. But something is triggering it, and unless we find out what it is, you will just keep on experiencing this."

Sometimes they reminded me of how little I knew, being a street kid of L2.

"So, what do we do?" I managed to choke out as I looked between them both.

"Call Sally." He said after a minute of thought. "Maybe she'll have an idea. In the meanwhile though…" He trailed off, the same question on all of our minds. What could we do to prevent another attack?

"You're going to have to sedate me." I told them softly, not sure that I wanted that, but knew I couldn't change my mind now that it had been said. Heero nodded and got up to get the syringe without a word. I had one request once he'd injected me with it.

"Hold me?"

They did so promising they'd be there when I woke up and I drifted away. By the time Sally arrived I was just surfacing again. She'd been held up with an emergency, and as the Preventers Chief Medical Officer she is obligated to be on call when any major operation goes down. I heard them speaking quietly and forced my eyes open.

"…Well with the symptoms you've described, that sounds very likely." She was saying, not noticing me as she spoke to Wu, who was still ensconced in the armchair opposite hers.

I had been laid out on the sofa, and started in surprise as a hand entered my view and reached for the steaming mug directly in front of me on the coffee table. What I now knew as Heero's hand retracted quickly and I sat up, my still unbound hair pooling around me. It was now long enough to reach the backs of my knees braided and I felt it tug as I straightened, having to untangle myself before I stood to stretch.

Sally had never seen me without my customary plait before and stared, mesmerised at me as I gathered it all and pushed it over my shoulders, holding the ends so I could sit again without trapping it. Wufei immediately abandoned his post to join us on the couch, his arm encircling me and pulling me close.

"Hi Sally." I greeted, stifling a yawn unsuccessfully. She took advantage of my relaxed state to jump right in.

"Duo, I think Heero's right. You're suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." She announced. I let her continue. "All we need to do is find out what's causing it."

"What do you suggest?" I asked frankly, feeling like myself and in control for the first time since this whole debacle had started. Now that I knew what I was up against, I could formulate a game plan. She took a sip of her drink before warning me.

"You won't like it."

"No." I agreed. "I probably won't. But if I want to get my life back then I'm gonna have to do it."

She gave me a genuine smile glad to see me back to my old self, resigned to the fact that I may have to do something I didn't want to. I returned a silly one just so she'd know I was still the same unpredictable, slightly crazy Duo and she laughed.

"Idiot." She teased.

"Thank you. What do we need to do?"

"It's just an idea, but I would like you to try hypnotherapy. Once we find out what causing the reactions, we can figure out a way to deal with it."

"Forgive me for bein' sceptical, doc, but isn't hypnosis gonna make me flip out like the PTSD?"

"Well in a way, yes. But you won't be aware of it, so it won't affect you. Whatever is causing this will be revealed during the session and if you can't reconcile it in your subconscious then there's the possibility of counselling. Until then though, it's all just speculation."

I chewed over it for a while then came to my decision.

"Let's do it."

"I'll get it set up." She began to pack her stuff away, getting ready to leave

"How long will we wait?"

"Give me tomorrow. If I don't have anyone by then I'll let you know."

"Sally?" She stopped to give me her attention. "Check them out. I don't want to deal with someone who has a problem with my past."

"I understand." She turned back to her satchel, but halted again when I called her a second time.

"And Sally?" I waited until she was looking at me fully. "thank you, for everything you've done for us recently."

She grinned at me, coming over to give me a hug.

"Don't worry about it, just put me at the top of your Christmas list."

* * *

End Chapter Thirteen 


	14. Chapter 14

Author's note:

Chapter fourteen and things start to get a little strange here.

This chapter is dedicated jointly to Yilun Dragon77 and Leikaru….sorry, but you guys ROCK!

My review of the day goes to Bunch-o-Nuts this time, for managing to study so hard and still catch up with my story.

Please take any medical errors non seriously, I am a complete novice and THE laziest person on the planet. I can never be bothered to look things up properly when researching. Hey, if it sounds plausible…..meh.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

I practically had to demand another sedative from Heero later on. We very nearly argued about it until I reminded him of my earlier hysterics. It was a strange, almost funny role reversal, _me_ having to force _him_ to drug me.

In the end it was Wufei who persuaded him, making him recall how normal (for me) I'd been when Sally had visited. I didn't want to lose myself in that fear again, so if this was what it would take to keep my sanity, then I was willing to accept the consequences. This time around, he only used a half dose. I didn't question it.

Doctor Po called the next day to confirm my appointment on Monday. I stayed mildly tranquillised over the weekend and right up until my appointment with the hypnotherapist, only becoming lucid enough to insist on another dose. I let them cut down the amount I took until I felt in control and was only dropping off at odd intervals.

When we met up for my session, Sally backed me up on my choice.

"I think it was a wise decision." Heero just sort of scowled at her. Each of my partners took one of my hands and we all trooped into the office.

I felt kinda bad for them in a way. They'd had to look after me and when I'm sedated, I tend to forget things and get distracted easily. To me though, that was only a small nuisance and I was willing to trade the mind numbing fear for the sake of a couple of mislaid possessions and a shortened attention span. The woman behind the desk inside stood as we entered.

"Hello Doctor Po, it's been a while." She said, moving around the desk and extending her hand. Sally took it without hesitation. That was a good sign.

"Good to see you again Sylvia. Thanks for squeezing me in on such short notice."

"It's no problem. What can I do for you?" Sally introduced us.

"Sylvia, this is Duo Maxwell, the patient I was telling you about over the phone." I shook her hand, pleasantly surprised to find she had a firm grip.

"And these two men are his-"

"Lovers." Wu cut in, testing the woman, gauging her reaction. She did not blink. "I am Chang Wufei, and this is our partner, Heero Yuy."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Doctor Sylvia Mulherne." She bowed her head respectfully when they tipped theirs. Didn't miss a trick. She'd passed the test with flying colours. "Please take a seat."

She gestured to the large sofa and chair set and we sat, Sally and I together on the couch and Heero on the chair, whilst Wufei perched on the arm beside him. Doctor Mulherne brought her own chair over before getting to work.

"How can I help you?"

"Well, I am Duo's personal Doctor, and I've known him for years, so you can imagine how shocked I was to find out that he's suffering from PTSD." Sally began. "He's never shown any symptoms before and we want to find out the cause."

"Okay." She smoothed her skirt and looked at each of us in turn. "I can help determine the cause, but to do that I'm going to need information from each of you that may be considered private or of a delicate nature. All who remain in the office will be participating. I'll also need permission from the patient to put him under hypnosis. I assure you all that doctor-patient confidentiality is in full operation and if Duo wishes to conduct the session alone then I will have to ask you all to leave."

"I don't want them to leave!" I burst out and she nodded, unfazed by my tone.

"That's perfectly fine. I would like to warn you though, that any tension caused by your words or actions during this appointment is out of my control and I won't be liable for problems caused in your personal life as a result."

"I understand."

"Lovely!" she said with a smile and I felt myself relax a little. "right, if anyone wishes to leave now, please do so, as we are about to begin the session." No one moved. She ploughed right ahead. "First of all, we'll have an ice breaker. We'll each take it in turns to introduce ourselves," (again?) "And tell the group the most embarrassing thing you've ever done. I'll go first." She laid a hand on her chest. "My name is Sylvia and once my skirt got caught in a car door and was ripped off."

She turned to Heero on her left, and he rose to the challenge.

"I am Heero. I fell on a cactus." I couldn't help it, I started to laugh. Even Wufei's lips quirked.

"You fell on a cactus? How on earth did you manage that Hee-chan?"My image of the perfect soldier was gone, replaced by a hilarious vision of him covered in spikes. Wu went next.

"My name is Wufei, and when I was very young I played with dolls."

"_What_?!" Heero and I both fell about with laughter and Sally snorted in amusement. It was my turn now.

"Duo. This one time I dressed up as a girl." It was for a mission, but it had easily been my most embarrassing moment. It was their turn to chuckle, and I flushed, still feeling the mortification I had felt then.

Sally quickly moved us on.

"I'm Sally and I failed my driving test nine times."

"Good." Sylvia said. "Now, onto business. When did the problems start?"

I looked at Heero and Wufei in turn, before answering.

"I'm not sure. We work as Preventers, and we had a mission…" I twisted my hands in my lap. "It _could_ have started then, I s'pose. But when I was in the hospital recovering, nothing happened then. The first time anyone noticed something wrong was…" I looked at them again questioningly and shrugged.

With everything that had happened, my sense of time had gone out the window, and the holes in my memory made things ten times worse. I shook my head

"It's been about three and a half months since the assignment." Wu said quietly "We don't know if anything was triggered before he was released from hospital, because he was too sick to for us to detect it. The first time we realised something was seriously wrong was eight weeks in. that was the worst attack. He's had more minor ones since."

"Sorry Doctor Mulherne." I said. "I'm just, at the end of my tether, y'know?"

"Well that's why you're here." She leant forward and laid a comforting hand over mine and I looked up at her with hope shining in my eyes. "Now, question two. This is a harder one. How do you feel when one of these episodes happen?"

"I feel, cold, and dizzy. Sick…I get really, really scared. I can't breathe properly." I shifted in my seat. The sedative was starting to wear off. We needed to get this part over with.

"What are the warning signs preceding this state?"

"I…don't know." Sally rubbed my back in an effort to placate me.

"He's cold to touch, has trouble responding." Heero said for me. "He loses his sense of time and usually ends up being physically sick. Often Duo needs a focal point, someone to talk him down."

"What can you remember of your mission?"

"Bits and pieces." I was back to inspecting my hands. "Like flashes. I can sometimes see a hotel room, and a building. I see Wufei running, I think I pushed him. Also we were fighting, and this one guy…" I frowned, but the memory was only fleeting. "no, sorry, it's gone. It's all mixed up, Don't know what order they're in."

"Have you discussed this with anyone?" Sylvia asked, and seemed a tiny bit surprised as I shook my head. "Did anything occur on your assignment or after it that made you really distressed?"

"Well…When I was in recovery, Heero seemed very affectionate. We weren't seeing each other then. I knew he was taken though. Eventually, we had a fight and I told him to leave." I took a steadying breath. "It did make me very upset."

"And you're together now, after that?"

"Yeah. He was acting on my feelings for them both. I'd never told them-well, I told 'Fei, but that's lost to me as well."

"So, there's no jealousy or favouritism in the mix?" She was getting a bit personal here, but she needed to make sure that this wasn't the cause of my problem.

"…no."

"Yes." Heero answered.

"Yes." Wufei said a heartbeat later.

"Yes?" I looked at them both, not getting it. What was wrong with our relationship?

"Jealousy?"

"Favouritism." Wu responded. Heero nodded. "We each love each other, but we love Duo more."

"Is that a problem?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No. He stops our arguments from getting serious. Before we had Duo, I'd walked out on Heero three times. Since then, there haven't been any problems."

"Forgive me for being blunt, Mr Chang, but aren't you still in the honeymoon period?"

"Hardly." He came out with dryly. "We've been together, non-romantically for years. Duo's our best friend. He's been the glue in our relationships from the beginning. There are two other people who can back us up on that. As long as he's happy, we don't care. If he'd chose one over the other, then so be it. He pushes aside his own needs for the happiness of others, and that to me, is an honourable trait. We're both lucky to have him."

"When I'm not losing my mind." I muttered under my breath.

"Baka." Heero said affectionately.

"Okay." Sylvia stood, and moved over to me. "Well, I can't find anything that could set you off so far, so let's move on."

She had me lie back on the couch and close my eyes, but found that I couldn't relax. After ten minutes of trying, Sally had an idea.

"Here." She had my lovers each holding a hand. Heero's lap became my cushion and Wufei placed his hand on my forehead. Suddenly I felt much calmer.

Sylvia explained to me what she was going to do as she switched a tape recorder on.

"Duo. I want you to picture yourself in a safe place. This can be anything that you want, a beach, a forest, anything."

Strangely enough, the only place I felt completely comfortable was Sister Helen's private study at the Church. A tear slipped down my cheek as she appeared in my vision, smiling.

"What's wrong Duo?" Sally sounded worried. I smiled.

"Nothing. I just, didn't expect to see this particular scene."

"Is it upsetting you?" Sylvia asked. I shook my head slightly. "Make sure it doesn't. A safe place is somewhere you can be happy, and feel protected. Nothing bad can enter it."

"It's okay. I like it here. Wish I could stay."

"Good. Repeat after me. This is my safe place…"

"This is my safe place."

"I am protected here…"

"I am protected here."

"Nothing can hurt me in my safe place."

"Nothing can hurt me in my safe place." I copied, and as I said the words, they seemed to become true.

"Very good. Now. I want you to create a door for me. This door is very important. Whenever you need to return to the safe place, this is the door you use. You simply have to think of it and it will appear, in your mind, wherever you are. The only person able to pass through the door is you. Nothing else can use it. Do you understand?"

"Yes." I said softly. I was the most relaxed I'd ever been, and was following her instructions with ease.

"Can you see it?"

"Yes."

"What colour is the door?"

"Yellow."

"Does it have any patterns or distinguishing marks?"

"No."

"I want you to think of a word. Any word. What is it?"

"Tulip."

"Good. Now, when you say that word or hear any of the people here say it during hypnosis, the door will appear and you can enter or leave any scenario that you are in. it only leads to and from your safe place and nowhere else. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Well done Duo. Just a few more steps. When I guide you in a session, you will not be aware of it. You leave your consciousness in the safe place at all times. Find a large mirror. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Can you see yourself in that mirror?"

"Yes."

"Excellent. This mirror is magical. When you look into it, your conscious self is

separated from you and will appear in the safe place. Conscious Duo will not be able to go through the yellow door. He can only return to the real world. He will not have any recollection of anything that happens beyond the yellow door. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay. One last thing. The safe place is where you and Conscious Duo sleep. When you go through the yellow door, Conscious Duo will fall asleep. When you return and he goes back to the real world, you will sleep. You will be together only in the safe place. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"Well done. Now. It's time for you to open the door."

I saw myself step towards it, then knew no more.

* * *

End Chapter Fourteen 


	15. Chapter 15

Author's note:

Bad laptop! Very bad laptop!

Excuse the late update, but my wifi's been on the fritz _all_ day and I was too tired to sort it out. Nightshifts are heavy work!

Anyway, welcome to chapter fifteen. Some light fluff this time, so don't get too excited.

For the first time, the same person holds the title of both reviewer of the day and the chapter dedication. Snowdragonct, this is you, I hope that you are pleased with the result. By the way, brilliant new story post and when are you going to finish The Academy? we're all dyin' here!

Pikeebo: I'm sorry you are so confused, but I can't answer your questions without ruining the pplot, so I'm sorry you'll just have to read on.

Yilun: You have NO idea how much I DIDN'tT want to leave a cliffhanger, but unfortunately, it has happen. I personally hate cliffhangers with a passion, as it's usually at this point that previous Writers have stopped updating, and abandoned the story. However, that is not the case here, thank the lord.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it! 

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

Some time later, I heard Sylvia's voice calling me through a thick fog.

"Okay Duo it's time to leave the safe place. I'm going to count backwards from five as the safe place fades. When I reach one, you will be completely awake and aware. Five, four, three, two, one." 

I slowly opened my eyes and accepted Wufei's help to sit up. 

"What did you do?" I asked as I glanced at the wall clock. I'd only been out for an hour and a half. 'Ro and 'Fei seemed upset, but Sylvia smiled reassuringly.

"We had our first successful session. We didn't get to the bottom of the mystery, but we went far enough to find out that whatever is scaring you so badly is serious. It's affecting you in a big way. The session helped piece together some of your memories and over the course of the next few days, they will come back to you. I'm going to book you in for another appointment next week so we can find out more, and possibly work out how the attacks are triggered."

"…okay."

"In the meanwhile, I'm going to prescribe you some anti-depressants. They should do the same job as the sedatives, but the side effects are much less severe. You need to take vitamins, exercise regularly and keep yourself occupied."

"Is there anything we can do to help, Doctor Mulherne?" Heero asked suddenly and Sylvia nodded.

"There are plenty of ways to help Duo, and the most effective methods are the simplest ones. Remember the tactics I told you of earlier." What tactics? I don't remember that. "You don't have to put your lives on hold, just make time every day to be together."

"They already make too much time for me!" I protested, annoyed that they had yet again, more work. I was beginning to feel high maintenance. All present ignored my outburst

"That won't be a problem." Wufei rose to his feet and everyone followed suit. He bowed his head. "Thank you for your time Doctor Mulherne."

"That's what I'm here for." She replied gently, and bowed to Heero. She gave Sally a hug and then shook my hand. As we exited the office, I heard her call after us. "Next week Duo, don't forget."

"He won't." Sally responded and closed the door. Once alone and in the car, I turned to them. 

"So what happened?" I asked Heero as he donned his seatbelt. He and Wufei both had sporty little two seater cars. I'd ridden to the session in Wu's. Heero clenched his teeth. 

"Nothing." He said curtly, and I scrutinised him carefully.

"Doesn't look like nothin'." I replied wisely. "Somethin' got you bent out of shape."

"Well even so, we're not allowed to say anything."

"What?"

"You have to remember by yourself. We can't help at all."

"Great." I flopped back in my seat as he twisted the key in the ignition, the engine roaring to life. "What happened to no more secrets?"

"Duo…" He said in that voice, warning me to drop it. I sighed. He flexed his hands on the steering wheel. I dropped it. 

We went out for dinner before heading on to a shopping centre, and outside Wufei explained why we were here. 

"You need a whole new wardrobe, koi." He stated, brandishing his bank card. "nothing fits you anymore."

I let them lead me through the throngs of shoppers and into different stores. I found quickly that pretty much anything I looked at ended up in a bag or a box. I made them buy things for themselves and bought them a couple of presents, Heero, a painting he'd gazed at several times and Wufei, an antique history book he'd picked up and put down twice. 

I also picked up some kitchen utensils and some potted plants. 'Ro loved cooking and 'Fei was as green fingered as they came. Neither would let me carry much and I ended up with an armful of pillows and a bag of candles. I had no idea what either were for (we had plenty of pillows and I've never seen a candle in their house before.), and they wouldn't tell me. 

We got home and I was ordered to go take a long hot bath and wash my hair with some shampoo and conditioner Wu had bought. It smelled strongly of lilacs and I wondered what had possessed him to get it. I heard them moving about but thought nothing of it. 

I got out of the bath after a good forty five minutes and towelled myself dry, searching for my clothes before remembering that I had not brought the clean change in here with me. I shrugged, wrapped a towel around my waist and secured my dripping locks in another before heading for the bedroom. The lights in the hallway had been turned out but I could see light filtering through the slightly ajar bedroom door. 

As I went inside my heart melted. There were candles everywhere, big ones, small ones, coloured, scented. A fire had been built in the fireplace, something that hadn't been used before, and music was playing softly. And in the middle of it all, curled up together on the four-post bed, kissing each other deeply, were my partners. 

I kinda just stood in the doorway, not quite knowing what to do. They broke apart and beckoned me over, pulling me down between them once I'd reached the bed.

"What's going on?" I asked in puzzlement, accepting a kiss from each of them.

"Turn over." Wu told me softly.

"Why?"

"Hush." Heero said, kissing my nose. "On your stomach."

I grumbled as I did as I was asked, pillowing my head on my arms. I wasn't remotely tired. Why did I have to lie down? My head was still spinning from the session. I waited for a few minutes, and when nothing happened, I spoke up again.

"Hey, seriously, what's-" I yelped as something warm and moist was dripped onto my back.

"Relax." Came a faint voice, the hands began to smooth my skin.

"What're you doin'?"

"What the Doctor told us to." Heero replied, unwrapping my hair. "We're supposed to do this after a session to calm you down. She said that we could help by doing simple things, massage, meditation, group activities, making sure we get a little time every day to talk. Things like that." 

He began to tease the knots out of my hair with a brush, starting from the ends and working his way up.

"And I don't get a say in this?"

"No. Now shut up and enjoy."

The room was so warm, and Wu's fingers worked firmly. I began to hum in appreciation. Heero untangled my hair, and I felt the stress melt away. 

There's something about someone brushing my hair that just calms me. I began to feel warm and sleepy, and closed my eyes, getting into it. When I opened them again, I was alone in bed, covers pulled up over my naked form. 

The fire was dwindling in the hearth, and as I sat up, I realised that it was morning. I felt fresh, and at ease. Someone had blown out the candles but I smelt the strong aroma of lilac and lavender lingering in the air. The lilac smell was coming from me. 

I got up and stretched languidly. My new black silk robe was hanging on the back of the door, so I donned it along with a pair of pyjama bottoms before making my way downstairs. 

As I padded into the kitchen, Wufei looked up from his paper with a smile.

"Sleeping beauty awakes." I gave him a sweet kiss and then moved to wrap my arms around 'Ro's waist as he stood at the stove. Both were already dressed, Heero in loose fuzzy blue cords and a off white tee with an open shirt, and Wu in tight black jeans and a green tank top.

"Hey." He said absently, then groaned as my lips found his neck. "Well someone's feeling good today."

"I feel fantastic." I fingered my hair, liking the tiny plaits he'd painstakingly took the time to do. "Thank you. And you too 'Fei." I added as I turned to regard him with a smile. "I never knew you could do that."

"You're welcome." They replied together. 

"Go and sit." Heero said, giving me a gentle push. I sank down in what was now my seat at the table. "Breakfast is ready."

He brought the breakfast over, with two glasses for me, and my pills. For the first time I didn't complain once as I took them, then started on my juice and eggs benedict. We talked over breakfast.

"So do you have plans for today?" I asked conversationally as I took a sip of my orange juice.

"None." Wu replied. He looked to Heero. "Angel?"

"Nothing other than a quick call to Une. Why?"

"I thought maybe we could go and visit Tro and Quat. You know, catch up, have lunch."

"Always thinking with your stomach." He teased. I pouted, then got back to the subject. 

"So can we?" I asked

"…sure."

"Great. I'll go get washed and dressed." Breakfast finished, I rose to get ready

"Duo?" I turned to give Wufei my attention.

"Yes?"

"Wear something nice."

I looked at him in confusion before leaving the kitchen. When I returned, fully dressed, Heero and Wufei were waiting by the door. 

"So, what do you think?" I asked them as I posed at the foot of the stairs. Two sets of jaws dropped.

"Duo….wow." 

I had donned pair of baggy purple pants that puddled out around my feet and a cropped black tee, using a kohl pencil to outline my eyes, completing my outfit with a long sleeveless coat and two purple wristbands. I'd left the braids in and not bothered to put my hair up, so it fell to my thighs. I knew I looked androgynous, but I felt damn good. 'Fei kissed me hungrily.

"You look…incredible!"

"Thanks." I breathed, before pulling away and opening the door. 

We walked the short distance to Quatre's, a little more than twelve blocks. They made me walk slowly, not wanting to rush. People stared as we passed by, me in between my lovers, fingers linked with each of their own. We couldn't have looked any more different from each other.

"Hey, look at that." I heard a girl say to her companion as we walked by. "A prep, a badboy and a goth. Together. What's up with that?"

"Don't stereotype." Her friend reprimanded. "They're all hot." 

I decided to give them a show, so leaned in the kiss Wufei and moved my arm to circle Heero's waist, never once breaking our stride. I heard shrieks and turned to give the girls a wink, mouthing 'mine' at them. 

* * *

End Chapter Fifteen


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

Author's note:

So we've hit chapter sixteen. It's two chapters rolled into one here, and quite long. Consider that a good thing though, As I didn't post yesterday. I was in a bad mood and I refuse to update when this happens as nothing good ever comes of it. Karma and all that.

This is my favourite chapter, and it just _oozes _Duo.

Everyone wants to know what happened in the session last chapter…nuh uh, not telling, it'll ruin the rest of the story. Might do a side story after this is finished, to cover all the bases, but I'm still speculating on that.

I can't believe it, I have over one hundred reviews. I'm stunned…and touched. A heartfelt thank you to every one who reviewed me, there are too many names to mention but you all know who you are.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it! 

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

Quatre practically died when we showed up at his cottage. Well, he calls it a cottage, but in reality it was a six bedroom manor house, sandwiched between two tall buildings.

"Wufei, Heero, Duo! What are you _doing_ here?" he wrapped each of us in a quick hug before beckoning us inside. "Come in, come in. this is so unexpected!"

"Hi Quat." I said calmly, letting go of my partners. He stopped to take a good 

look at us all.

"What's with the getup?" I began to finger my hair again.

"We wanted to make an effort today. I came to invite you and Tro to lunch."

Quatre smiled.

"No problem. We have the whole day free. I'll just get my jacket." He leant over the banister of the stairs and shouted up them. "Trowa! Get your shoes, we're going out." 

He disappeared into the kitchen. We waited in the foyer for him to return when suddenly a figure vaulted over the rail of the landing above and landed with feline-like grace on the marble floor in front of us, the only sound a soft thud as bare feet hit the ground. 

Trowa straightened, and regarded us each before speaking.

"Hi." He murmured as he went for his trainers on the shoe rack behind us.

"Barton, you're such a showoff." Wu snorted. 

"…thanks." Came the offbeat reply as he bent to don his shoes.

"Trowa-koi! What did I tell you about jumping over the banisters!" Quat's annoyed voice filtered through to us. "Use the stairs!"

"Have to keep in shape somehow." He said quietly, leaning against the door and looking me up and down. "You look great."

What was with all the compliments? Did I usually look like shit or something?

"Thanks," I mumbled, as my blond friend returned, house keys dangling from his fingers. "'Ro and 'Fei bought me a new wardrobe. You look great too."

They both did. Tro was wearing a brown tee with artful slashes and a pair of loose tracksuit bottoms that came to mid calf and Q, a deep red silk top with a high collar coupled with a pair of jade green matching trousers.

"Ready." 

Trowa pulled the door open and held it as we trooped outside. If anything, we now attracted more stares. I was again, sandwiched between Heero and Wufei, and Quatre and Trowa walked beside us, wrapped around each other. 

My feet automatically took me to Sasha's, my favourite after work hangout, and until I'd stepped in the door I'd completely forgotten that just about _everyone_ who works in the Preventers lunches there. Several of the customers looked up as we entered, and the place went dead silent.

"Sonuvabitch Lee, look what the cat dragged in!" I heard a familiar voice exclaim, and immediately took a step back, the only thing stopping from moving my ass outta there were my two comfort blankets, currently sandwiching me in.

"Jesus Christ, it's _Maxwell_!" suddenly there were people converging on us.

"…How the hell are you man?"

"Hey, we thought you was dead for sure!"

"…Not been the same without you…"

"You're one lucky back to work?"

"You like shit!"

"…heard you had surgery…"

"Holy shit man, you're alive!" 

I must have looked really overwhelmed because Heero quickly took control of the situation.

"YAMERO!" he roared, and I went temporarily deaf from the power of his voice. 

Heero never shouted, but when he did, you _knew_ about it. I swear, once he yelled in the conference room and I heard it in our office, two floors away and halfway across the building. Sasha, cleaning the counter lazily, was the only one who seemed unaffected. 

Nothing ever surprises her. She's brawled with drunken Preventers and won. The woman takes no shit. This was her 'fucking bar goddamnit' and no one told her how to run it. Not even her ex husband, who had regularly beat the shit outta her until one night she had enough and turned the tables, then took over the establishment. 

She was a tough woman now, and damned if she was going to listen to any man's words. She did have a soft spot for us though. 

I can still remember the first time I ever brought the others here. I'd visited the place a few times, with acquaintances from work, having found that I got along well with nearly every single person at headquarters. Heero had been on edge all night, Wufei took one look at the place and visibly recoiled. Quatre had been very nervous, and Trowa did not leave his side once that night. 

They saw how happy I was here though, and continued to come every time I invited them, seeing that I was in my element, and as time passed, they got comfortable with the brash atmosphere I had missed since L two. Quatre once told me in secret that he liked it here because he could be a 'rowdy idiot' and no one gave a fuck.

"So you finally decided to drag your sorry ass back in here." Sasha said dropping her rag on the counter and leaning back against the wall, crossing her arms across her chest in that familiar uncaring pose. "You lost me business you know." 

Sasha was one smart cookie. She easily defused explosive situations with her blunt way of speaking. "Next time give me some warning before you go get yourself hip deep in shit. I've had to ask Jones to do your usual slot to keep my punters and he doesn't hold a candle to you." 

I had got into the habit of attracting an audience when I was here by doing a variety of things, usually taking the piss out of people and helping her entertain. I was the only male allowed to help behind the bar when it was busy and occasionally got up and danced on it with her on a Friday night.

"Whaddya mean Sash!" Yelled Jones indignantly and the tension was broken completely.

"He's much better at being an asshole than you." She jibed, and everyone began to laugh uproariously. 

The street humour was easily understood in here and I appreciated it. She was the same as me, we were all equals in here. "Now move. You're blocking my doorway."

"I missed you too Sasha." I said with a smile. She would never say it, rule one of the streets, but I knew she had missed me.

"Whatever. sit the fuck down!" 

I let Wufei steer me through the crowd to our favourite table in the back, where a few of our co-workers were sat. They promptly vacated and I sat down with a relieved sigh. Jones, Lee and the others came to crowd round and sit with us, parting to let Heero through with our drinks. 

He slid in next to me, guarding me jealously. Wufei sat opposite with Tro and Quat. I propped my back against the wall and put my feet on the seat like I always did, facing my audience.

"Welcome back Maxwell." Lee spoke first, gruffly. No one else said anything. You don't interrupt Lee when he speaks. He may be pushing fifty, but he'll still knock you out if you piss him off. 

"Thanks man." 

"You look like you been to hell and only made it halfway back." He remarked.

"Yeah." I ran a hand through my tiny braids. Even with all the effort, they could still see how bad I was. "Still got a long way to go."

"You gonna be alright?"Someone else asked, and I scanned the sea of faces until I saw the familiar features of Turtle. 

Most of the people I worked with had unfortunate nicknames because of yours truly. Turtle had not been quick enough to dodge once when someone had shot at him, and I had been waiting to find a way to humiliate him.

"He just needs to rest." Quatre replied for me.

"Maxwell? rest?" Cable snorted. "Pull the other one." More laughing.

"Chang and Yuy are keepin' him on a short leash." Jones said slyly. "They won't take any shit from him."

"Oh, he's giving us a run for our money." Wu shot back dryly. "He thinks he's invincible."

"You wound me! Oh ye of little faith." I mocked, clutching my heart dramatically, rolling my eyes.

"Shut up you lunatic." I cackled gleefully.

"But 'Fei, I'm crazy. You can't control a crazy."

"You're not a crazy. You're a goddamn kamikaze fool!" Turtle cried.

"But you love me anyway."

"Stupid bastard." 

I took the drink Heero had sent my way and took a sip, grimacing in distaste when I found out that it was most definitely _not _alcoholic.

"What the fuck is this!" I questioned, taking a closer look at the glass. Heero sipped his beer silently, as I gazed round, noting that he and Quatre had whiskey, Trowa was on beer and Wufei tequila. I held my glass of…apple juice up and slammed a hand down on the table. "Yuy, am I missing somethin' here?"

"No." he replied evenly, purposefully not looking at me. I decided to play hardball.

"Hey guys, how about a round to welcome me back?" they all lit up. For about three seconds. Then Heero extinguished them with a death glare.

"If Duo so much as touches a drop of alcohol, I will make sure no one finds the bodies."

Damnit, why does he always have to threaten! Though they loved me, they were all terrified of him, and would jump through hoops to keep him off their backs. Well except for Lee. He just liked Heero.

"I hate you." I sulked. He shrugged, knowing I didn't mean it.

"I'll deal with it." He brushed it off, handing Jones the money for the round I wasn't allowed to take part in. He was fair like that.

"What am I, walking liver failure?" I grouched, nudging him hard with my foot.

"No, you're a veritable chemical reaction waiting to happen, baka." He slapped my foot to make me stop. "Or did it slip your mind that you took six different pills this morning and one of those contains sedative."

"…oh."

"Gods Maxwell, where is your brain?" Wu exclaimed in disbelief.

"The same place as any other man's. About three inches from my ass."

That got everyone laughing again.

"Oi Maxwell you gonna dance?" Twitch asked. I was shaking my head even as Wu answered.

"He's recovering, you baka. Don't you understand that word?" Lee cuffed him on the back of his head.

"Listen, you fucking idiot!"He reprimanded harshly. 

Twitch was all but his protégé. The two were partners. Like chalk and cheese. Lee was a seasoned agent, and a miserable asshole to boot. Twitch was half his age and had all the enthusiasm of a small puppy. His name came from his first proper assignment. He'd been jumping at shadows throughout the whole mission, and I'd fallen about in laughter when Lee started to chew him out about it afterwards, asking him if he had a nervous 'twitch'. They made a kickass team though.

"How's Ami?" I asked, and Twitch grimaced as Lee scowled.

"I'm back on the couch. Damn woman, says I'm _insensitive_. All I did was yell at her."

"Dude, you have _got_ to stop doing that." I said sympathetically, before turning to Twitch. "I hear Nona's due in a few weeks." He nodded, a silly grin lighting up his face.

"Yeah. She's as big as a house. Keeps saying it's a boy, a girl wouldn't need so much room., or be so heavy."

"I'm telling you kid, it's a girl. Ami couldn't get her fat ass off the couch when she was pregnant with Jo. Still can't get her fat ass up now." He muttered into his drink. 

I smiled. His family meant the world to him really, he just didn't like people to know that he was soft.

"Hey, I heard you hooked up." Turtle re-entered the conversation and I froze like a deer caught in headlights.

"W-what?" I stuttered hoping I hadn't heard him right. "Who told you that?" 

He inclined his head in Quatre's direction and my head whipped around so fast I almost gave myself whiplash.

"Um, that would be me." He had the grace to blush. 

My mouth went dry, completely unprepared for this situation. Everyone was staring at me expectantly. What could I say?

"Who's the lucky girl then?" Turtle prodded, and I felt my face heat up. 

None of the guys knew my sexual orientation, and I had been quite happy to keep it that way. Q's bein' gay wasn't an issue, he didn't work with these guys and Trowa just plain didn't care. As for 'Ro and 'Fei, well, no one gave them a second thought. They were forever single in the eyes of our colleagues, not seeming affectionate enough as they didn't let their hair down in front of anyone apart from me, the other Gundam pilots, Relena, Sally and Une. 

I, on the other hand, had built up a rapport with the guys, and they had instantly labelled me as a heterosexual male. I had been shoved firmly into the closet and the door had been locked from the outside. 

Cable was not going to take this well. He'd be raped by a guy a few years ago. He couldn't look Quatre in the eyes yet. And Jones had been molested by his dad when he was young. He keeps well away from homosexuals. If I didn't word this right it could all go horribly, horribly wrong.

"I…." I faltered. I attempted a second time. "I…."

"Come on man, tell us!" Twitch cried out, wanting to know. 

I tried to gather my courage-

"I…"

-and failed.

"Gotta use the bathroom." I gasped, bottling it, and tried to dive over the back of the booth to make my getaway. 

Key word. Tried. I would have succeeded if Heero hadn't grabbed me and pulled me down at the last moment.

"Oh no," He hissed sharply. "You're not leaving us in the shit. It's not fair."

"I'm not-I'm not ready!" I stammered. "not ready. And you…You don't want this, not really." I babbled nervously. "You just decided, like 'snap!' It doesn't work that way." I kept going, unable to stop. "Gods, why did I let this happen!" 

Both of them jerked as if they'd been slapped, and I knew immediately that I'd said something that I couldn't take back. Heero let go of me, and in that split second, I was off again, over the seat and out of the door. I heard them calling me, but didn't stop. _Couldn__'__t_ stop. 

Before I'd realized it, I'd done four blocks in under five minutes and was standing outside my old apartment. 

I sat down in a dejected pile on the stoop, completely directionless. Why did I always have to fuck things up? I'd just hurt the two most important people in my life. I had assumed that they weren't ready. Hadn't even thought to check if they were. It was me holding back. I wasn't ready. I had been stringing them along. It had to stop. 

And the first thing I did was ask myself: could I just be scared? 

_Yes._

Secondly, Did I need to apologise?

_Hell yes._

Thirdly, could I make it back to the bar?

_Fuck no._

* * *

End Chapter Sixteen

\/p


	17. Chapter 17

* * *

Author's note:

Chapter seventeen is here, and it's a short one, but a good one.

Pikeebo: I want to tell you, really, I do, but I _can't_. once we get the end, If you want, I will explain, but as it stands at the moment….no. sorry.

Snowdragonct: Sad as in oh my, that's terrible, or sad as in I can't believe you though that was a good chapter ending? Sorry, kind of paranoid. And yes, that was favourite line too. I just spat it out without thinking, then realised it was there and left it. Heero and Duo kind of take over my mind when I'm writing, and I look back afterwards to find things have just fallen in there. I given up trying to fight it.

Knyghtshade: Yeah…._ouch_.

Review of the day goes to Shadowdragon58, who hit the nail right on the head.

This Chapter is dedicated to Sunhawk, whose stories are legend in my books. Her Ion arc is just amazing!

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it! 

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

I'd pushed my limit too far by taking off like that, and didn't have the energy to get up. I was breathing hard, sweat pouring down my face-from running four god-damn blocks. I scolded myself for being such a baka. I was still far from better.

"Stupid, stupid stupid…" 

I pounded the concrete step with my fist. Then looked up at my apartment window. What had happened there? I still couldn't remember. Curiosity got the better of me and I pulled myself up and went inside. 

I had to pick the lock to get into the apartment, but I had come prepared. Some things you just can't give up. Wufei still carries a gun and to this day I've never left home without my knife and lockpicks. It was dark inside, and smelt foul. 

I began by opening the windows to air the place out. It was quite warm out. 

As I drew back the curtains, light streamed in and I saw just how messy the place was. I headed straight for the kitchen, and chucked everything out of the fridge and freezer, setting it to defrost, cleaned the counters and mopped the floor. Careful not to cut myself on the glass. 

I cleared my head as I worked, trying to make sense of everything. The cleaning seemed to be very therapeutic, and I was careful to take it slow, lest I hurt myself again. I moved on to the bathroom next, being sure to bleach everything. 

By the time I was finished changing the sheets on my bed, the whole apartment smelt fresh and clean. Just as I smoothed the quilt down, my phone began to ring. I left it for the machine to pick up.

"Duo? Pick up." Wu's voice stopped me in my tracks. "I know you're in. Pick. Up."

I made my way slowly to the phone and did as he asked.

"Hi Wufei." I sighed, leaning against the wall and tugging the bandana I'd tied my hair back with off. "I'm sorry for today…for what I said. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know. Just…come home okay? We're not angry. We just want you to come home."

"…" I deliberated for a second. Then came to a decision. "…no." I used his shocked silence as time to explain. "you can't just keep forgiving me for these things 'Fei. It's not fair, on either of you. I hurt you, and you need to understand that. you can't keep on spoiling me and letting me get away with it." 

I took a slow breath. "Look, I love you both, more that anything in the world, but I won't let myself be turned into a selfish conceited dick. I am taking responsibility for myself. I can't expect you to be there for me every second of the day."

"But Duo, we love you, stop pushing us away!"

"I'm not." I moved to sit on my couch, leaning forward. "but that's what scares me. You're both at my beck and call, and drop whatever you do at any second to be with me. That's not how a relationship is supposed to work. You'll destroy yourselves working to please me, an impossible feat. Nothing is perfect, as much as Heero wants it to be. I will not wreck this precious relationship striving for perfection that doesn't exist. I want to be happy. But I want you to be happy too. And if that means I have to be alone for a while longer, then that's what will happen." 

I heard him sigh heavily, and knew my words made sense to him. "listen, I have to go. Tell Heero I love him and I'm sorry. I'll call you tomorrow." 

"I love you Duo."

"I love you too. Don't forget that." 

I hung up, feeling guilty as hell but knew that I'd done the right thing. I took a shower, and went to bed, lying awake for hours. 

How long apart would be long enough? I wondered as I stared out of the window.

* * *

End Chapter Seventeen


	18. Chapter 18

* * *

* * *

Author's note:

Welcome to chapter eighteen.

This chapter is dedicated to Snowdragonct. How DO you predict what's going to happen next?! And the cleaning, yeah, gets me too, when I need to sort through a problem. Otherwise, it's organised chaos just about everywhere!

Yilun has gained review of the day. And yes, I'm entertaining the thought of that for a side story….maybe, if everything goes well with this ending.

Anf600, thank you for adding me and thanks for your review.

Shadowalchemist198: welcome, and thank you also for your review. I absolutely love Evasions! Was reading it last night. With Sunhawk's stories, you can just read them over and over….

Well, without further ado…

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it! 

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

I lasted four days. They were the longest four days of my life. I tried to fill them with chores, and various other little things, but I felt like part of my life was missing, and nothing I did could fill that hole. 

We talked to each other every day, twice a day. I assured them each time that I was fine. Heero interrogated me daily, making sure I took my medication on time. I refused to let them come over, knowing that if I did my resolve would weaken and we'd be back to square one. 

I cooked, I cleaned, I exercised. Each day I gave Wufei a list of what I had eaten. They kind of lost it a little when they found out that I'd had a small panic attack. That was the day I let them take me home.

"You _what_ Wufei yelled down the phone as I tried to explain it to him. "I knew it! I knew that this was a bad idea."

"Wu-babe, calm down, I'm fine."

"But-Duo…"

"No. listen to me. I'm fine. It was a little panic attack. It only lasted a few minutes. Yes, I was scared, but I managed to cope. I'm not hurt, it just caught me by surprise, that's all. The main thing is that I dealt with it on my own. At first, I wanted to call you and Heero, but then I remembered my promise. You can't be there all the time, and I don't expect you to. This is a step in the right direction."

You're sure it wasn't serious?"

"Positive." I replied firmly. "I know my limits. If it was too much to handle I would have called straightaway."

"I want to see you." He said finally. "I need to know you're alright." 

I hesitated. 

"_Please_." I sighed, and acquiesced.

"…Fine. But you come over here. If I go back you'll never let me leave." I tried to joke, but he wasn't interested.

"We'll see you in twenty minutes."

"Wait you-" the line went dead before I could protest. I immediately went to put the kettle on and make some snacks. 

Just as I was pouring I heard them at the door. Ten minutes, half the time. I scowled. He knew I'd say yes! 

I calmed myself, opened the door, and ended up with an armful of each of my lovers. After a couple of long minutes they pulled back. 

Both of them looked like they hadn't slept very well. Heero was already checking me over meticulously, looking into my eyes. He held me at arms' length for a moment, then in one swift movement, yanked me into a hard hug.

"I miss you." He breathed in my ear, before letting go a second time. "come home now. I don't want to spend another night without you." 

And damn it, I wanted to just break down on the spot and give him exactly what he wanted. They hadn't even stepped inside yet.

"Come in for a minute, and let's talk." I said gently. They did so reluctantly, sitting on the couch as I brought the drinks through.

"You cleaned up." Wufei said quietly, looking around.

"Yeah well… I needed to fill my time somehow…" 

I sat down on a chair, refusing to get too close. Things were emotional enough as it was. "How have you been?" 

'Fei ran a hand through his hair, and stared at the floor, hands dangling between his legs.

"Miserable." He stated bluntly. My tentative smile disappeared before it had managed to fully form. He raised his head to look straight at me and I saw pain in his dark eyes. "We understand what you're trying to do, but can't you see that _this_ hurts more?"

I'd never thought of it that way.

"But I'm doing this for you

"We know." Heero's words caught my attention and I turned to him. "But it's not helping the situation. It's not that you're doing anything wrong, it's just that we'd finally settled down, and now we can't cope without your presence. The house feels emptier without you. _We _feel emptier without you." 

Now it was my turn to stare at the floor.

"But…the things I said…"

"…Can't be undone." He leant over took my hand, squeezing it firmly. "And can't be forgotten either. But you're expecting too much and saying too little." 

"You need to speak out more." Wufei said honestly, holding up a hand to stop me from interrupting. "And we're not talking about trivial things like washing up or spending money. Open up and talk about your feelings. If you feel uneasy about something, just say so. If you want to rant, then rant. Don't bottle things up, it's not healthy, for yourself or for us."

Their words got through to me and I stood slowly. It was Heero who gave me one last shove.

"What do you want Duo? Just tell us." 

I cracked.

"I want…to go home."

"Okay." 

Not 'good'. Not 'finally'. Not 'why'. Just 'okay'. It made me feel relieved. No-one was judging me. 

They waited patiently whilst I gathered a few things. Once out on the street a sudden thought hit me.

"The other day, in the bar. What happened?"

"Quatre apologised," Ro said as he took my duffel and slung it over his shoulder. "He hadn't known about the situation with Jones and Cable. They got the message though. Cable was annoyed that you thought he was 'so shallow'. Jones didn't take too well to it at first but the others ripped into him about it. He's none too comfortable with it at the moment but I don't think he'll let it ruin your friendship with him. He just needs time to get used to it."

I kinda expected that. Jones was just on the outside of our closed circle and I wasn't at all surprised that he was reacting the way he was. He was willing to make an effort though and that showed courage in my eyes. I don't know what I'd be like if that happened to me.

I watched them both in their sleep that night. 

* * *

End Chapter Eighteen


	19. Chapter 19

Author's note:

So we're on chapter Eighteen, and yeah this is gonna _hurt_. I don't want to leave it like this, but…. I had to.

Please don't kill me, I _really_ didn't want to do this, but the chapter kind of chose it's own ending. Oops.

Tora-chan: You are going to absolutely _hate _me for this. If it helps any, I hate me for this.

Snowdragonct: Ditto, you won't like this either. Well you will, because it's good, but you won't in the end.

Leikaru: Yes, I know, I was worried about that, because it seems like such and integral part of the story, but I trusted that you of all people would understand why lips are zipped on this one, and you did.

Chapter dedication goes to Meredith Summer. Thank you for your review. Your long, long, but incredibly interesting and enlightening feedback. I like reading. And I might take a gander at your story, sounds intriguing. I have a thing for GW/HP crossovers. Thanks for the info!

Review of the day goes to Butterfly decadence (Saku). I'm steadily building to the idea of side stories. Not sure if it will work, and uneasy about ruining what I already had. Muses kind of suck for me.

Anyway, time to make some waves…..

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it! 

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

"How was your holiday?" Sylvia asked me two months later as we sat in her office. 

We'd put the sessions on hold but I'd still had to do the relaxation techniques and take my pills. I had been reduced now though, so I was only on the antidepressants and vitamins from Sally. I was fit in the physical sense so all that was left was my mental health, and then I could go back to work.

"It was great!" I showed her my tan. "I got to ride a camel, we saw the Great Wall as well, and we went to Venice. I'll bring some pictures to show you next time."

"I'd love to see them. Now. How is you're memory and recollection progressing?"

"He's remembering things really easily." Wu said proudly as he squeezed my hand. "He can recall the whole mission except for one blank spot."

"And the panic attacks?"

"All but non-existent." Heero reported. "There was only one that he couldn't control without our help."

"Excellent. I would say than that we have found the root of the problem. Could you describe the circumstances that led to this particular attack?"

"The case against Inesco has gone to trial, and we were watching it on T.V. when Duo started to get all shaky."

"It was when they showed footage of him being taken into court." Wufei added.

"Duo, did something happen on the mission with Inesco? Try to think back."

I screwed my eyes shut and concentrated, but nothing came to mind. I know that I'd been the one to catch him, Wufei had told me so. He'd found me in the control room with him pretty much out cold. He'd had to hold me back as I seemed to be intent on killing him. This hadn't been in his report to Une though.

"I still can't remember." I shook my head.

"There is one thing that's bothering me." Heero said.

"'Ro?" I turned to him.

"The other night." He said slowly, thinking back on it. "We started to get….intimate. But I guess we got a little carried away, because Duo became…alarmed, and we had to stop."

"Sex?" She asked. 

I blushed and shook my head.

"We never got that far."

"Duo. Forgive me for asking this, but are you a virgin?"

"…no." I was sure I wasn't.

" And, I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but; how many sexual encounters have you had."

"…" I frowned. I didn't know. How could I not be a virgin if I couldn't remember how I'd lost my virginity? That _wasn__t_ right. Then it hit me, like a revelation. Sylvia knew as well. "I… something happened. When I was young."

"Duo, I think maybe-" I ignored her words and kept talking, piecing together my memories slowly.

"It was on L-two. When I was running with Solo's gang. We'd just robbed a store. Somehow, I got separated from them. I was walking back alone, and a guy came up and grabbed me. He was…big. He put a bag over my head and I couldn't see anything." I concentrated for a moment. "The time jumps then and in the next thing I know I'm sat in an alley, covered in blood." 

I blinked in surprise as the past overlapped the present and I saw blood on my thigh. I rubbed unconsciously at it. "I hurt everywhere. And my clothes were in shreds. But I don't know what happened."

"….Rape." Heero said, and felt panic rising in my chest. No, not rape. I hadn't been… "Duo, you've been raped."

The world began to spin as my mind reeled at the information. I tried to deny it, to get my control back.

"No, Heero, no, I can't have been!" I said breathlessly as I looked at them each in turn, begging them to stop looking at me so sympathetically. "I was just hurt. There was blood and-and-"

"Duo, calm down…"

"No! No no no no no! Why are you lying to me! Why are you saying these things?!"

"Duo you need to breathe!" Heero told me insistently, trying to force me to look at him. "Duo! Breathe goddamnit!" 

Black spots invaded my vision as I tried to get air into my lungs.

"He's hyperventilating!"

"Maxwell… MAXWELL!" Someone slapped me, hard across the face. It didn't have any effect. 

I tried to move, speak, anything, but I could only sink into blackness with a terrified scream.

* * *

End Chapter Nineteen


	20. Chapter 20

Author's note:

Hello and welcome to Chapter Twenty. Angst and potty mouths ahead!

I hate cliffhangers, so I decided to post early, before my easter egg bing makes me bounce off walls.

This chapter is dedicated to Bunch-o-Nuts. Welcome back, and thank you for your lovely review. I figured Duo has a mental and emotional strength far above the others. So as a child, he blocked it out, so he could keep functioning. Then as an adult, out of the war, he forgot about it, not being threatened with rape or bodily harm anymore. Then as a Preventer, someone did that, and brought it screaming to life again. Duo couldn't deal with that, and it manifested as PTSD. Plotbunnies fear me, seriously. But I thought that after that review, you deserved a full explanation.

Yilun is my reviewer of the day, for stroking my huge ego and noticing my style of writing. It's very subtle, and some people love it, some hate it. Works for me, as if I get too mired in description, I lose my thread.

Toni: Welcome, and thank you for your review.

Arialee: also welcome to you. Yes, that's exactly why I ended the last chapter there. I couldn't do anything else! I was at my wit's end, then Duo kind of just said to me "What the hell are ya doin lady! Ya can't please everyone, and at least you'll have'em hooked." he shrugged and wandered away then. I thought I was losing it!

Leikaru: Naturally!

That said, I think I'd better get on with it before you all rend me limb from limb.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1 2, 5 2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

In my dreams, the horrible events I had tried to block out replayed in my mind.

I couldn't escape. In my mind I was nine years old again, and unable to defend myself as I was raped time and time again. I kicked yelled, screamed, bit, but it had no effect.

Sometimes, the past receded a little and I was able to see vague outlines of people stood nearby. I could recognise my lovers' faint figures, but every time I opened my mouth to say their names nothing would happen. Sometimes I heard their voices, arguing with Quatre, or Sally.

"…no, We'll look after him."

"You're not taking Duo anywhere!"

"….many times do I have to tell you…."

"we're managing fine…"

Knowing that they were always by my side made me want to fight back even more.

At first I began to escape and for brief moments my present surroundings would become clear as day. Next, I tried fighting back. It didn't work at first, but I would try and pick up a weapon as I walked the streets to defend myself.

One day I came across a gun. It was just lying there on a table through an open door. I stumbled over and picked it up shakily. I waited for the man to come, grinning nastily, and reeking of piss and alcohol. Three voices spoke at the same time.

"Duo, put the gun down."

"You gonna shoot me you little cunt?"

"Duo-no!"

I braced my feet, held the gun in both hands and squared my shoulders.

"No more." Child-Duo said angrily, and I could see him ever so slightly ahead of me. "I won' let you hurt me no more."

"Duo-_please_!"

As Child-Duo pulled the trigger, past and present overlapped and I saw Heero standing where the man was.

We were aiming at him as well. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I wasn't in control, this could all go horribly wrong. I wanted to warn Heero, tell him to move, but I couldn't. The child in me did not register it. Did not see _him._ My mind was running in little circles, yipping in panic _have to save Heero, have to save my love, save Heero!_ so I began to push it, trying to find a way back to myself, anything to shift out that child consciousness. I felt a finger twitch. It was working! At the very last second I moved our arm a few inches.

The bullet went whizzing through the man's heart and straight into Heero's arm, sending him spinning to the floor. Suddenly everything was sharp and in focus. I was in the bedroom, dressed in shorts and a tee, loose hair falling around me. Wufei skidded to Heero's side, not noticing me as he dropped to his knees to check on him.

"Heero! You've been shot!"

"It's over." I breathed, dropping the gun to the floor. "It's over."

I lifted my gaze to where Heero was lay, and saw Wufei trying to staunch the flow. The bullet must have nicked an artery. At my voice Wufei's head spun around and his shocked eyes met mine.

"Duo….!" I acted on instinct and ran down the hall to the bathroom, snatching the first aid kit from in there and the cordless phone on my way back to the bedroom. "Okay Duo, don't panic, it's not-"

"'Fei, shut the fuck up and move!" I growled.

My mind had snapped straight into mission mode, something that hadn't happened since that terrible mission where Inesco had tried to…to…it still didn't bear thinking about. But at the moment, Heero's life was at stake. It wasn't serious yet, but if left alone, it could be fatal.

I threw the little green box open and shoved him aside.

Though I'm not a trained field medic like Tro, I had plenty on experience with battle injuries, and unlike Wufei, I could keep a cool head when it came to serious wounds. "Quick, call an ambulance."

"Duo…"

"Look I'm well aware that I just shot Heero. Hell, this is a shock for me too. But right now you need to dial the goddamn paramedics I don't have time to explain at the moment. We'll deal with it later."

Just like I'll deal with the shock of shooting my boy friend later, I told myself grimly. Wufei recognised my war behaviour and started punching in the numbers as I grabbed a pair of tweezers and slapped Heero across the face once to get his attention. "Yuy! I need you awake and alert!" He stirred and I clenched my hand using the pain to rouse him. "NOW Soldier!"

I retrieved the bullet quickly and poured a generous amount of alcohol into the bloody mess. He let out a low moan as I ripped my tee in half and used it to bind the arm tightly, then pushed him onto his side and lifted his arm up to hook it around the back of my neck. 'Fei put down the phone, now coated with Heero's blood.

"Ambulance?" I barked.

"On it's way."

"Good. Bag this, and the gun." I ordered briskly and he gave me a half surprised, half disbelieving expression. "DO it!"

I watched him do it then we sat and waited for the ambulance to arrive.

* * *

End Chapter Twenty


	21. Chapter 21

Author's note:

So we're on chapter Twenty One.

And yes, this one's short too. Sorry, Duo keeps nagging me about where the chapters end.

Please be aware that this chapter is second or third to the end, and it and the next one contain NON GRAPHIC sexual content. However, because I don't want to get into trouble, the rating is changing to M.

Also my reviews seemed to have dried up. Odd. But I know how it gets, so I'm either A) not worried, or B) too tired to care right now. I got in at 10am this morning and fell asleep for a grand total of six hours. Cranky as hell right now, sorry.

Review of the Day goes to Yilun. Dmnit dude! Stop giving great reviews. Only joking. Thanks, really.

Knyghtshade: that wasn't a cliff hanger in my book. You knew Heero would be okay.

Snowdragonct: are we playing twenty questions? Lol.

No chapter dedication today. I'll be honest, I can't be bothered. Lack of sleep does this to me.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1+2, 5+2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE**

We got to the hospital and he was immediately whisked away. I slumped down onto a chair in the corridor as Wufei went to call Quatre and Trowa.

I was covered in blood, even my hair was coated. I could also see my hands shaking from the adrenaline rush. My head was aching, and I didn't notice Wufei as he sank down onto the chair beside mine. He didn't know what to say, so we sat together in silence.

An hour passed, then two. I looked up as the doors to the emergency treatment rooms opened and Heero walked out slowly, his left arm strapped across his chest.

Once ascertained that he would live, my head dropped again to study the tile beneath my feet. Wufei got up and went to Heero's side, checking him over and giving him a kiss. I stayed where I was.

He approached.

"Duo." He said gently. "Thank you."

"You-_what_?!"

It had the desired effect and my head shot up so I could stare at him. He smiled and held out his uninjured hand to help me to my feet.

"Thank. You." He said slowly.

"For what?" what the hell? "It case you don't remember, I just shot you!"

"I'm used to staring down the barrel of a gun held in your hand." He joked. I don't know why, but I found it funny in a morbid way. "It was an accident Duo. I'm just glad to have you back."

I gave a little giggle, that sounded ever so slightly hysterical, and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Duo?"

"You're real," I murmured, rubbing my face into the loaned tee and squeezing him a bit tighter towards me. "You're here, I'm safe, I'm back."

Wufei stepped up and hugged us both, dropping a kiss on my hair.

"That's right, you're safe. No-one can hurt you."

A dry sob wracked me as they both held me, murmuring reassuringly. Finally I pulled away to look at them both.

"I love you both, so much."

"Duo, you're shaking, and cold!"

"He's just had a little shock, Wufei, don't worry." Heero said beginning to steer me gently towards the exit.

I let them help me get into the limo that Quatre had kindly sent for us, feeling very guilty that Heero had to look after me, but not able to voice my concern.

I was still shaking when Wufei helped me wash off the blood in the shower once we'd got in.

"There's so much blood…" I whispered, watching it swirl away with sick fascination.

"Heero is fine, Duo. He's fine, you saved him. I saw you, you moved the gun so you wouldn't hit him in the chest. You did that."

Finally, years worth of pent up anger, frustration and despair welled up inside of me and I began to cry like there was no tomorrow.

I must have cried my weight in tears that night.

They both held me in bed as I mourned the loss of my innocence and kissed away my tears. I cried myself to sleep that night, and when I woke in the morning, and saw Heero's arm, it started all over again.

"Why won't it stop?" I demanded, tissue in my hand as Heero held me. He sighed.

"Just give it time Duo. You'll feel better soon."

It took me three days, and even after that, I was prone to burst into fits of tears over the tiniest things. I went around constantly looking like someone had just ran over my puppy.

It was Wufei's joke that did in the end.

"We should just buy shares in the tissue company." He teased as he hugged me to him after another bout of bawling because Heero had to take a painkiller that morning.

I giggled, then started in shock. Looking at Wufei, he had this awed expression like he'd never heard anyone make that sound before. I lost the fight with my smile and fell about in fits of laughter, my Chinese lover joining me.

Once I'd calmed down I gazed at him.

"I look a mess!" I lamented, squeezing the tissue in my hands. "My hair's all ratty, my face is dirty and wet, and my eyes are all red!"

"I think you look beautiful." He replied firmly, returning my gaze tenderly.

"You're smiling."

I snorted, and punched him playfully on the arm.

"Don't be stupid. I need a shower…..and a shave."

"I'm serious." Wu tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I've never seen anything so stunning as you when you're happy."

He gave me a proper kiss then, one that set me alight and before I knew it, I was on top of him, gasping and panting and oh dear lord, I think I just saw stars!

"What…was that…?" I managed to croak as I came back to myself a few minutes later, sweaty, exhausted and strangely satisfied. The front of my shorts were wet. "Did I just…pee myself?" I looked down in disbelief, seeing my lover's jean clad leg firmly wedged between my thighs feeling _way_ too sensitive down there. "'Fei?"

He had his head thrown back, gasping lightly, and moaning a little. "'Fei, are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Gods….Duo." He moaned, trying to breathe.

Heero suddenly appeared in the doorway, gazing at us inquisitively.

"What's going on?" He asked, stepping closer to the sofa to check we were all right. I started to worry a little.

"I don't know." I replied honestly. "I think 'Fei's having some sort of attack. What should we do?"

He looked closely at Wufei, frowning a little.

"I don't think that's an attack Duo…" Wufei groaned again. "I think he's…."

"Painfully hard!" Our partner bit out, rolling over. I looked at him in surprise and he elaborated. "He was rubbing…."

"Oh…" He turned to me as I stared at them both in puzzlement. "Duo, you just came."

"What do you mean? I'm all wet…"

"That's not urine." He replied with an amused chuckle. I couldn't see what was so funny though, and scowled.

He calmed down enough to tell me properly. "It was an orgasm."

"A what!?" I yelped, face flaming with embarrassment as my hands flew to my crotch.

He tilted his head to the side, trying to gauge what I was thinking.

"Orgasm, Duo. You've never had one before?"

"No…" Gears were beginning to click in my head. "You mean, like…sex?"

"Not quite." He laughed again. "But it looks like whatever you did was damn hot… poor Wu really needs a cold shower right now."

* * *

End Chapter Twenty One


	22. Chapter 22

Author's note:

Hi, good evening, and welcome to chapter twenty two. Warnings: yaoi ahead and also this is the second to last chapter.

You all said that this chapter was funny and sad at the same time, which surprised me. Wasn't quite aiming for hilarity here, but Duo has taken over again. Wufei also got a bit more time. Honestly though, if you were in his situation, you'd probably be horny as well.

Review of the day goes to Draggon wolv: Sorry to disappoint, but my original works were taken down years ago. However, I am planning on posting new works in the near future, so add me as an author alert please. I think though that the summary is what puts most people off.

This chapter is dedicated to Dyna Dee, the Queen of AU! Inseparable is my all time favourite!

Yilun: Yes, changing the rating. Don't wanna get into trouble now… I'm glad you thought it was believable. I really hoped that was how it would come out with Duo's 'black spot'. Maybe a prequel to solidify this? Please mail me with ideas, as I'm not sure where to start this. Think of it as a gift fic…

Hellfire: It doesn't matter if you don't write much, as long as you review. That lets me know you're at least still reading it.

A BIG thank you to all reviewers and alerters. One more chapter to go, so keep it up.

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1+2, 5+2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO**

Wufei groaned again and shuffled off to have his cold shower presumably, as Heero plunked himself down next to me.

I pulled a cushion into my lap self-consciously, picking at the fabric.

"It didn't hurt." I admitted in a small voice, suddenly feeling very stupid and inexperienced. "I thought it….hurt."

"No, it doesn't hurt." He ruffled my hair and looped his good arm around his shoulders. "It's supposed to feel…pleasant. Warm. It doesn't hurt at all if it's done right."

"Oh. Will you show me?" I asked feeling shy, but intrigued by this odd sensation coiled in the pit of my stomach.

"Now? I don't think that's a good idea, you might panic and you're still very sensitive-"

"Please? I'm not scared. Because it's you."

A sigh.

"Okay. But I won't go any further if I sense you're the slightest bit uncomfortable. It's important that you tell me if it's too much. Understand?"

"Yes."

Heero pushed me back on the couch and got me to get rid of the cushion.

"Okay, spread your legs for me."

"Like this?"

"Yes, exactly like that. Whatever you do, don't close them, and stay as relaxed as possible." He bent his head and nuzzled me down there.

I froze, then remembered to breathe. He stopped to check on me. "Okay?"

"Mm hm. Tickles."

I let him do it some more, and found I'd started to breathe a little heavier. then he opened his lips and he began to mouth at the cotton, wetting it with his tongue. The feeling was altogether different and pleased little sounds began to escape my throat.

This was kinda nice. He did this for much longer, and when he took his mouth away, I groaned in disappointment.

Somewhere shortly after this I lost my shorts and then his tongue was _licking_ me. Everywhere. I suddenly jerked as he pulled one of my balls into his mouth and began to roll it around gently, humming softly.

I shouted when he gave the same treatment to the other one, then I was someplace else, it was hot, firm and wet. Moving, making me wail loudly and clench my hands, trying to breathe. He was swallowing me whole! I thrust up desperately and my head began to move from side to side. He had my toes curling.

It built and built and then I felt it, washing over me in waves, and he was still swallowing.

Eventually there was no more, and I could breathe a little easier, unable to move as he lapped at my skin gently and kissed it. I felt boneless and rubbery as he wiped me down with something cool and damp, and could only respond with incoherent murmurs as he spoke to me.

"Duo?"

"hmm?"

"Can you lift up a bit? I need to get you into something clean and dry."

"Mm hm."

I did as he asked and was rewarded with a pair of warm boxers.

"Are you okay?"

"Mm…"

He chuckled softly and coaxed me to stretch out on the sofa before pulling a blanket over me and kissing my temple. I forced my eyes to open half mast and smiled at him in thanks.

"Mm…nice."

"Why don't you take a nap hey?" He told me, stroking my cheek. "We'll wake you later."

"Why'm I tired?" I mumbled, closing my eyes.

"Because you enjoyed yourself. Now go to sleep."

I woke up on my own three hours later, warm and hungry.

"Hey there sleepyhead." Wufei greeted as I sat up, the blankets pooling in my lap.

"Hi Wu."

I blinked, rubbing my eyes and glancing around to find out where my other amazing lover was. I spotted him coming in from the kitchen carrying two steaming mugs. Before I could say anything, he laughed and sat down beside me, handing me a mug.

"You're cute when you're sleepy." I leaned in to kiss first Wufei, then him.

When I broke away from Heero, we all three were panting.

"That was…intense." I remarked astonished at myself. "what did you do to me?" I asked Heero.

"I gave you a blowjob." He said, with a perfectly straight face.

"Didn't you…"

"Very nearly koi. But don't worry, Wufei and I worked it off whilst you were sleeping."

"Maybe one day, we'll get one from you." 'Fei added, and I nodded.

"You'll have to teach me though."

"I'm sure we can find the time…"

* * *

End Chapter Twenty Two


	23. Chapter 23

Author's note:

So we've reached the end of the story. This chapter is just a short little standalone of Duo's thoughts about everything.

As I'm sure you've all figured out, this story is close to my heart for a number of reasons. I'm both glad and sad it's over in a way. Rape is a very serious matter, and whether you have or nearly have doesn't matter, it's all the same thing and you should report it, regardless of how scared and ashamed you may be.

On a lighter note, I had a review from none other than Dyna Dee. Thank you for this, it made my week.

Thank you for reading this fiction, and a special thanks to the inner sanctum of new friends: Leikaru, Snowdragonct, Cjmarie, Vitanie Tora, Bunch-o-Nuts, Solitaire, Yilun and Hellfire.

Solitaire, on a personal note: I've been there too. It's better now, but it was hell in college and starting to trust people nearly sent me screaming to the hills. I was also stupid enough to nearly let it happen a second time. Don't let any one get away with it. Ever.

That said, it's been a wild ride and I can't wait to go at it again soon, so keep your eyes out.

Kind regards, Hikishi

Acting On Instinct

By Hikishi

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I'm sure as hell going to use it!

Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 1+2, 5+2, 1x5x2

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Implied NCS, Language, Shounen Ai, Abuse.

Genres: Romance, Action, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE**

So here I am, two months later and I'm back at my desk in Preventer headquarters. Heero's wound is completely healed and Wufei's nightmares have stopped.

I still have the odd session with Sylvia, counselling once a month, helping me come to terms with shooting one of my boyfriends and address my fears about the future. I'm starting to speak my mind and not be so evasive.

We've put my apartment on the market, as I haven't even been to check my messages since that day at the bar. We get along fine together, apart from the odd argument about menial things like hair in the bath and clothes on the floor.

Last week, Wufei bought us all promise rings. He said it was time we looked ahead and not to the past and Heero agreed with him wholeheartedly. We're having a ceremony in spring next year. I don't have any panic attacks now either.

Inesco, the guy who'd tried to rape me on that awful assignment got convicted. I even remembered enough to give a statement and he had years added to his sentence as a result.

Today we're leaving work early to celebrate our anniversary. We don't keep count though, because Heero and Wufei say they can't think of a time when I wasn't a part of their life. I don't want to.

I've been learning all sorts of new tricks in the bedroom department and let's just say that some things are just natural gifts.we had to take it slow when it came to the actual down and dirty, and both of my boyfriends have bruises from when I'd gotten scared. It's the only hang up I have, and with a little foreplay and patience I'm raring to go.

I've made my mark on the house, and more than once, on them. I swear my stuff is everywhere. Heero says though, that even though it's a bit cramped, it looks more like a home.

_Home_.

If anyone had said six months ago that I'd be living with 'Fei and 'Ro, I'd have laughed them off the face of the earth. Now I can honestly say I can't imagine a life without them. Even though it's been one hell of a ride, I hope it never ends.

* * *

End Chapter Twenty Three


End file.
